I know where I want to retire

It rhymes with Ruscan Rine Rountry.

On Saturday, I traveled to the Tuscan countryside to tour several vineyards. It was definitely my scene.

My friend Hannah from USC (who is studying in Paris now) visited along with her roommate and some friends from home. We, like the perfect tourists we are, signed up for the tour through “Bus2Alps”. I know I know…who needs an overpriced touristy company when, by this point, I’m basically navigating Tuscany like a natural? Truth be told, this was the best way we could have done it. They provided a bus from Santa Maria Novella train station in Florence straight to three different locations throughout the day. They served us a *dank* 3-course meal (more on that later) and coordinated the vineyard hosts, who provided all the information on the history, manufacturing process, and best practices for actually consuming the wine.

And the best part? As soon as we hop on board the bus, the tour guide informs us we’ll be consuming 10–15 glasses of wine that day. Ohhhkay, yeah, I can deal. The whole thing was like 70 euros, so totally worth it.

Excuse my plug for Bus2Alps — they’re really not paying me. But I would pay boatloads (after I’m already rich, of course) to retire in a nice place on top of the Montalcino hills. That was our first stop.

Montalcino is renowned for producing some of the best — and most expensive — red wine in the world. Si chiama Brunello. It takes 5 years to age and by law must only contain a particular Tuscan variety of grape called Sangiovese. We tasted three different varieties: two mixed with other grapes and one pure Brunello. I’m not a wine snob (you know I like that boxed stuff, right?) but this Brunello made me want to become a wine snob. In fact we went back for seconds, then thirds. Of course, with every glass, the scenery became even more beautiful!

Don’t worry, a “glass” for tasting is only about this much

There were hundreds of these barrels of wine

Our glass count up to five, we re-boarded the bus for a winery outside of Siena named Tenuta Torciano. My stomach was beginning to growl, so the appetizer they provided was my saving grace. I ate it like a Lunchable because isn’t that what you’re supposed to do when presented with a plate of bread, cheese, and meat??

Ok so maybe it was a little more sophisticated than a Lunchable

This is where I also learned I’ve been holding wine glasses incorrectly. Apparently there’s a method with three fingers from your dominant hand around the base or something. I was a little busy breathing it in correctly and swishing it around and reflecting on the subtle differences between flavors to pay much attention. By 1pm: wine snob designation officially achieved.

Enter course #2: some sort of bread soup. Soup generally tastes super bland and reminds me of being sick so I’m not a huge fan. But I never thought of dumping in all these spices and bread…this stuff was bomb. So much wonderful Tuscan flavor that was only accentuated by a brand new wine every 10 minutes. Muahaha.

And then, the main event. This was revolutionary. Picture: lasagna…ok now drizzle it with truffle oil (which is traditionally from Italy)…ok now imagine eating that, complimented by the best wine in Tuscany. This is where I’m at, people.

Of course the highlight of this vineyard was dessert. Chocolate cake, you ask? Nope. Creme brûlée, you ask? Nope.. (also, Medium just autocorrected those accents, lol, I don’t know French) GELATO?! Nope. (that came later) Our dessert was none other than dessert wine, served special to me by our host. A little too sweet for my taste but it came with a performance that included some sort of devotion ceremony between me and him so whatever it’s chill.

And after, horses!

Our next stop was a small town outside Siena called San Gimignano. After admiring the endless hill country, I spent about half an hour socializing with children aged 1–10. You know: what’s your favorite color, what a beautiful jacket you‘re wearing, how do you like growing up in Italy…all that. I’m about at their level with my Italian…jk, they know way more, but at least they’re too shy to brag about it.

The view from San Gimignano as the clouds began rolling in. Is this real?

The adorable mother of the kids I was interrogating (and the cute town in the background)

Come early evening, we boarded the bus back to Firenze. My 1 hour nap turned into a 4 hour nap so I missed out on going out that night, but that’s ok. Meningitis has apparently struck Florence nightclubs so I’m keeping a low profile for the time being.

I heard there was some kind of “super bowl” back in the states last weekend. (prob not as entertaining as the super bowl of pasta I just consumed tbh) Some queen performed some controversial thing, some guy upstaged his brother again, and some people were upset with a press conference or something? I must say, it feels nice to be so detached from the US and all its shenanigans. I’m sure it’ll be nice to return too, but for now I’m enjoying the fact that I got to draw a famous statue in the flesh (marble?) yesterday shortly after my delicious croissant and espresso and shortly before trying on 20 Italian leather jackets. All this after discovering my calling for post-retirement life in the vineyards of Tuscany? I cannot complain.