Finding Social Freedom: Solo travel as an introvert

This was it. The time had finally arrived. I was about to disembark the plane in Chiang Mai, Thailand, after almost 24 hours of plane journeys. I felt my palms start to sweat and a small knot form in my stomach. Was I really going to be able to do this? I had been planning this extended solo trip for over a year, saving money and researching places. I had built an image of myself in my head that seemed to not resemble any version of myself I had previously known. A person surrounded by people, strangers, talking, having fun, and creating friendships. I had never been that person. Or at least, I had never felt comfortable being in a group of people; always trying to fade into the background a little.

Something inside me told me that I hadn’t always been that way. There was a time (in my teenage years) when I craved social encounters, but not anymore. Most of the time I told myself that I needed to be alone. I told myself that if I found these scenarios too stressful then I should just avoid them and that it was a form of self preservation. The thing is, I knew I was lying to myself and lying to ourselves is like the antithesis of self care. I knew I had mentally set up a big dividing wall between myself and the world. One that only I could take down. It took a long time to come to terms with the fact that I was acting as my own worst enemy. I could accept being an introvert, but I was unhappy being that way. I would dread speaking to groups of people, even just friends. I didn’t like the attention being on me. I would stutter and say inappropriate things that led to more awkwardness (at least on my part).

I decided that I’d had enough of this ‘character’ I had assumed. I was so busy being fearful of things that might happen that I wasn’t enjoying the present. I had unwittingly put huge restrictions on my daily activities. At this point I already knew I wanted to travel, but it was at this time that I knew it had to be solo.

So, the plane landed and, sweaty palms and all, I departed the airport head held high. Surely a little mock self belief would take me at least some of the way to social freedom? I was incredibly tired from the journey, but my senses were on high alert. This was it! As the taxi took me to my first ever hostel I watched this alien city pass me by, a city that I would come to love dearly. A sudden wave of lightness and joy overcame me and I began to laugh uncontrollably. The taxi driver smiled nervously at me (she probably thought I was crazy). As she pulled in at the hostel, the wave broke and I felt the lightness subside. A deep sense of dread crept into my conscious. I took a deep breath and entered.

I am thankful that I chose that hostel as my first in Chiang Mai. The host was so warm and friendly. She loved to help and talk, which made it easy for me to sit and listen. Later that evening, I lay on my bed trying to allow some of jetlag to subside. I felt the bunk above me move and a girl came down the ladders. “Hi, I’m Paola. Have you eaten? I’m going out for some dinner. Would you like to join me?” I had read on blogs that this kind of thing happened all the time and, if you wanted new experiences, never say no. What actually came out of my mouth was “I’m good, but thank you for asking…” My inner voice screamed at me, “Liar! What are you doing? You’re starving!” Usually I would push this voice down into the depths and ignore it. However, this time, something else happened. “Actually, I WILL come with you. I’m hungry and it’d be great to explore the area.” We explored a bustling night market, ate Pad Thai and wandered through the streets of the old city. We actually spent a couple of evenings together, before going our separate ways.

I was astonished at how easy it had been and that thought propelled me forward into further social interactions. At first, the pattern was generally the same. Someone would ask if I wanted to do something/go somewhere. I would accept and then we would go and do said things. Over time, I felt this start to adapt. I began asking the question. By the time I was almost 2 months into my trip, I found myself integrating into social groups of friends, some who had already been travelling together. I would see groups of travellers making plans and would ask if I could join them. The answer was never negative. That was where the main root of my social anxiety stemmed from — fear of rejection. Now I was beginning to understand that it really was all in my head. Socialising had almost become second nature to me.

On occasions when I was alone, I would reflect on myself. Who was this person I was becoming? I felt unrecognisable to the person who had got on that plane 2 months ago. I liked this person. I was pushing all of the boundaries I had set up for myself and not tentatively. I was forcibly shoving them out of the way, marching through and it was incredibly freeing. In fact, I was starting to feel incredulous that I hadn’t done this sooner.

On the days that I chose to be alone, it was not through fear of socialising. It was because I wanted some genuine ‘me time’ and wanted to really explore what being a solo traveller meant on a variety of levels. I found that my exploration of meeting like-minded strangers and becoming fast friends went a long way to assisting me with daily interactions with other people. I was able to strike up random conversations with people in restaurants, cafes, and even at bus stops. I had no fear of asking people for directions or haggling with a tuk tuk driver. In fact, one of my closest friendships I have now is with someone I met whilst travelling.

The 5 months I was travelling solo through Southeast Asia almost felt like a reconditioning (for want of a better word). It wasn’t accidental. One of the purposes of this trip was to bring down my self-constructed walls and allow more experiences into my life. If you had asked me at the beginning of this trip what I expected to happen, I would have told you that after a few stressful weeks of interaction I would probably tuck tail and run back to the UK to be with my family and my now ex-boyfriend. After all, my self confidence was so low that I couldn’t have possibly answered any other way.

Now, I answer with what actually happened. I had an incredible 5 months of exploring myself and the countries I visited. I am now living in Australia, after meeting someone in Vietnam. I trust myself completely and follow my instincts. I crave adventure, exploration and solo travel. I still joke about being an introvert, but really I know I’m not. I may not desire being the centre of attention, but I certainly don’t shy away from social interaction anymore.

If you are still reading this and want to make a change then here is my advice to you, as an introvert;

Be completely honest with yourself. Don’t lie to yourself about what you really want from life. Don’t shy away from your truth. This is the first step to making a change.

Get out of your own head. Live in the moment and stop listening to that voice telling you what you can’t do.

It’s important to be yourself. Don’t be the person you think someone else wants you to be. It’s more important that you are happy with yourself than what anyone else thinks of you.

Challenge yourself. What I mean by this is actually push yourself out of your comfort zone. Accept that there will be surprises and mistakes, but along with that comes spontaneity and happiness.

I’m not saying that solo travel is the only way to change your outlook but, for me, it gave me the tools to make the changes I needed to lead a happier life. In the end I believe that that is all we are lacking; the appropriate tools to deal with uncomfortable scenarios. The main lesson I learned is that it is all a matter of perspective. I could see things in a negative way working against me, or I could stop working against reality, accept and adapt. Accept that you can’t control everything. Once you do this it opens up a door that is unlikely to ever close. That there is the ultimate goal; to walk through the open door and live your life to its fullest.