Lessons learned: Why solo travel is important
She stared at me with incredulity.
“You’re going on your own?”
“Yep!” I replied.
“Why would you want to do something like this by yourself?”
I shrugged. “If I hang around waiting for someone to go with me, I’ll never end up going. It’ll be good for me. I’ve relied on the people around me for so long. I need to learn to stand on my own two feet.”
“I don’t think you realise what a dangerous place the world really is.”
“Yes, there are lots of bad things that go on in the world, but I think the good far outweighs the bad.”
Thinking back to this conversation I had with a family member, it feels like a life time ago. It’s a conversation so many of us have probably had as solo travellers. It makes me remember the fear instilled into people, not only to travel alone, but to do anything alone — even eat dinner at a restaurant. I certainly wasn’t immune to this fear, but I knew that it was all in my head and that I just needed to push myself a bit further in order to overcome it mentally.
Solo travel is a little like sink or swim. That’s one of the reasons it teaches us such good life skills. It literally throws us in at the deep end and we can tense up, flail around and fight the water or we can relax and float to the surface. Sometimes we do both, but we soon learn to conserve our energy, so to speak. Solo travel isn’t just a holiday — it’s a learning experience. We learn a lot about ourselves, the world we live in and about the people around us.
I learned that people are mostly good and want to help. Sure there are some bad apples out there, but I’ve met some of the kindest people on my travels. Something that has stuck with me is being lost in Bangkok. An elderly man was sat outside a building on a tiny plastic stool. I stopped to check my Google maps for the one hundredth time. He sensed that I wasn’t happy and beckoned me over. Admittedly, I was a little hesitant whilst I quickly assessed the situation. He beckoned me again to sit beside him on another plastic chair he pulled up for me. It wasn’t until he smiled at me that I paused mentally. I immediately recognised the look of genuine kindness on his face. So, I went and sat next to him. Neither of us spoke each other’s language. He poured me some tea and pointed at some mangosteen on the table, smiling again. I took a deep breath and felt myself relax. We sat in silence for a few minutes drinking our tea, watching people rush around us. I had forgotten all of the stresses I had been feeling only minutes before. Then the man got up from his stool and, before walking away, he looked at me, tapped his temple and said “smile here”.
That day the kindness of a stranger was enough to turn my day around completely. I realised that being lost wasn’t the worst thing in the world. It was a situation that could be easily resolved and being negative about it was making the situation a lot worse than it needed to be. Once I filled myself with positivity I easily found where I was going.
Travelling solo leaves room in your mind to actually experience your emotions fully. You have the time to wonder why without any distractions. This quietness can allow good and bad thoughts to enter. You soon come to realise that the ‘bad’ thoughts are also just a learning experience.
I learned that it’s OK to be lonely sometimes. Not only is it OK, but it also the only way to actually learn to be alone and enjoy it. Before I set off on my solo travels, I had several friends say to me “I just couldn’t do it, I would get so bored!” There are certainly some situations that aren’t very enjoyable when alone — like carrying a big backpack into a toilet cubicle because you have no companion to look after it for you. To me, that is a small price to pay. I can safely say that I have never once felt bored in all of my time alone on the road. However, I have felt lonely. Loneliness is something different.
Pangs of loneliness felt on the road actually taught me how to spend my days. I began to understand how to manage my time, at a pace I enjoyed and that I didn’t have to spend all my time doing stuff just because I could. I learned that when I felt lonely, I didn’t need to reach out to someone back home or on the road to feel better. I could do that for myself. Being alone gave me the time to be truthful with myself as to what I was allowing to impact me and why. Once I figured it out I could do something about it.
Along my journey I gained a new level of independence that I had never previously achieved and it was exhilarating. Not having to rely on anyone to do anything gave me more freedom than I had ever anticipated. It is the sort of experience that once you’ve had it, you begin to crave it.
I always thought that I would return to the UK after my ‘solo adventure’ and, undoubtedly, that’s what my family and friends thought too. Instead what happened was that I moved straight to Australia. Had I not been experiencing life as a solo traveller, this would absolutely never have happened. Once you come to terms with the lessons that the experience gives you, you realise that the only barriers around you are the ones you put up yourself, which is a very encouraging thought.
I write about my experiences not because I think they are unique, but because they can literally happen to anyone. A lot of people say “I wish I could”, “if only I were as brave”, “I just don’t have that luxury”. I can tell you with absolute certainty that solo travel is the best gift you can give yourself, even if you just do it once. I don’t just mean for the pretty scenery and the fun times meeting other travellers (although there undoubtedly will be some of that). I mean the good, bad and the ugly. Every single moment will teach you something. You will find out things about yourself that surprise you and you will want to engage with the world like never before.
