Growing Up in Skyrim
I fondly remember that afternoon in 2012.
I had just got back home from school and was waiting, in my bedroom, for my lunch to be ready. My father got into my room carrying a little foldable table. I used to eat on it so I could do that while seating on my bed watching TV.
When he positioned it over my little legs, I saw something underneath the plate.
My eyes shined when I read “Skyrim” written on the side of the box. Even though I knew that the game would be delivered soon, I couldn’t believe that I was holding it.
I never had played any The Elder Scrolls games before, but still, I got pretty excited for its fifth installment since I had seen the first trailer.
I was a fantasy lover, and The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim was my magic treasure.
Unbound for the first time
Watching that wagon starting cutscene was magical.
When I got into the character creation, I just made a cool looking character… Which was an Argonian.
And I didn’t think about what I wanted from him.
He was just an Argonian that, in my eyes, looked cool.
Right after fleeing from Helgen, we are presented with the open-world beauty that Skyrim is.
I wish I could describe what was the feeling of gazing at that vast world and imaging how many stories were about to unfold.
But I just wanted to see new places and kill stuff.
So I rushed through Riverwood, skipping all the dialogue with NPCs. All I knew was that I needed to go to Whiterun.
When I got there, I just ran towards Dragonsreach, the tall castle up on the horizon.
Again, I rushed through all the dialogue. I wasn’t interested in the story or plot.
After some quests, I finally met what would be my biggest fear: Dungeons.
Not because of the darkness of the claustrophobic caves, but due to the ancient Nord warriors that dwell in them: the Draugr.
I was scared of them. So scared that I even gave up on completing the main questline since I had to go through a bunch of dungeons to complete it.
They live in the underground, resting until someone delves into their dungeons or crypts. And, on one occasion, I even lost a tooth after a non-intentional jumpscare that made me hit myself with the controller.
After that, I decided to never go into dungeons again. And I kept that promise for years.
Some days after this nightmare-ish experience, I was roaming around the wilderness. It was nighttime and, since I didn’t have a torch, I had to rely on my own vision (and the brightness settings).
I heard a weird noise. I couldn’t figure out where was it coming from, or what was it. So, I sneaked behind a rock.
My hands were sweating and I was standing still.
And then, a wolf came out of nowhere and attacked me.
I screamed and closed my eyes.
I killed the animal and ran towards the nearest town.
In real life, I was crying.
I decided to not go into the wilds at night ever again.
After all these “terrifying” experiences, I limited my “exploration zone” to daytime Skyrim and, preferably, major towns.
I created many characters and lived many adventures, but they were all limited by… myself.
Every corner of Skyrim was filled with an amazing amount of content. But, at the age of 10, I wouldn’t experience half of that.
Why?
Because I was afraid. The world that was around me was beyond my comprehension. There were lots of mysteries that were just waiting to be discovered, and I was ignoring them because I didn’t want to explore a dungeon or find ruins in the woods. I didn’t want to be scared anymore.
Or else, I didn’t get the message that the game was presenting me.
I was immature, and couldn’t understand how things worked or what it wanted from me.
I was avoiding the main point of Skyrim: the world that it presents you.
In late 2016, I would play what would become, for that time, my last TES: V session.
I was selling my PS3, to gather some money to buy a PS4. And well, somebody bought it.
I packed it up and said goodbye to a console that was with me for almost 7 years.
Eventually, I bought the Playstation 4. But little did I know that so much time would pass before I could get to Tamriel once again.
7 years later.
Many things changed since I last put my feet on Skyrim.
2019 was a life-changing year for me. I got into university, made a bunch of great new friends, played my first gig live and started some projects that I want to keep working on.
In other words, I found myself in a completely unfamiliar place, without anyone I knew. I had to push myself. And, fortunately, I managed to not only find my way through this situation but also did it flawlessly.
Also, I got back into playing Skyrim.
I bought the Special Edition on PS Store and finally got my feet back in Tamriel.
Of course, I didn’t have any of the characters I created back in the day on my PS3. So, as my new adventurer, I created Heretor.
He is a Breton and, skill-wise, I decided to go with my favorite building (that I tried for the first time while still on PS3).
Heretor is Battle Conjurer… or, at least, that’s what I call it.
Basically, he is a heavy armor warrior that makes use of a range of Conjuration Spell, but mainly bound weapons.
I started noticing something. Not in the game, but in me.
I was planning what I was going to do. I just didn’t choose a Breton over a Nord just because it looked cool. But because the race perks were what I thought was the best for my build.
Things have changed. I changed.
Some hours into Skyrim and I was understanding much more about the world that was surrounding me.
Every alley of every town was something bigger than what my memories remembered.
I finished the main questline in less than a week. And I’m glad I’ve waited so much time to complete it.
If I had killed Alduin (the final boss) 7 years ago, I wouldn’t understand a thing.
I mean, I would think that killing that dragon on that ethereal scenery was amazing.
But what meaning would have had?
What’s the point of having a beautiful piece of art if you can’t understand it?
Overcoming my fears
If I finished the main questline, I went through dungeons, right?
Yes. And this was when things made sense to me.
I wasn’t scared of the Draugrs anymore.
I was slashing my way through those dungeons like I was erasing my past experiences with them
And guess what?
Dungeoneering became one of my favorite things to do in the game.
Every cave, every ruin. Everything became a source of adventure, and not of fear. I was exploring every room, collecting almost every item and going beyond anything I have done on my original Skyrim experience.
Also, walking through the land at night became relaxing. It’s just me, my torch and the wilderness.
I completely abandoned fast travel. Heretor had to walk to wherever I wanted to go.
And not only that, but I also installed some light mods to make the game look darker at night.
Ironic, right?
Well, no.
This was a sign that I simply couldn’t ignore.
I have changed.
I wasn’t that scared little kid who didn’t understand anything about the world around him anymore.
I became someone who pursues the unknown. I want to know everything about anything.
If there is something I don’t understand, I won’t run away and avoid that. I will search for the answer.
I had overcome my fears of being thrown into a situation that I was afraid of.
I was paying attention to every word that an NPC would say. I was reading all the books and, heck, I was even roleplaying a lot.
I was taking everything that the game would offer me.
I can say that, for the first time, I am actually playing Skyrim.
These months in Tamriel were fantastic.
I met interesting people, lived many adventures and explored many places.
The stories that unfolded hooked me as days passed on that cold land that I’ll always carry with warmth in my heart.
This game made me realize how I changed.
Overall, I can say that I grew up in real life.
And I grew up in Skyrim.
A huge thanks for belmontswhip for letting me use the screenshots up in their blog.
If you love Skyrim, you need to check it out!
