What Does Wuthering Heights Teach Us About Love?
Dating advice with Emily Brontë
Wuthering Heights is not a love story. It’s a revenge narrative.
Heathcliff spends the whole book trying to get back at Cathy for deciding to marry Linton.
It’s absurd.
But this book is known for its ‘epic love story’ — so, what can we actually learn about love from Wuthering Heights?
I have read the book and highlighted the important bits so you don’t have to.
(Although you should still read it and form your own conclusions. And then come back here, so we can compare notes.)
Passion isn’t sustainable
In the real world, if you were as obsessed with a person like Cathy and Heathcliff are obsessed with one another, you would be in constant turmoil.
You would be miserable.
Cathy tells Nelly, ‘I am Heathcliff,’ which is her way of saying that they are soulmates, or whatever.
But being so obsessed with someone that it erases your own identity is not going to end well.
Heathcliff doesn’t handle their mutual obsession that well, either:
“And I pray one prayer–I repeat it till my tongue stiffens Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living! You said I killed you–haunt me, then!…Be with me always–take any form–drive me mad! only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you!”
Heathcliff’s ‘love’ for Cathy is literally driving him insane.
Sure, Cathy married a guy she wasn’t that bothered about. But if she and Heathcliff had ended up together instead, how long would their relationship have lasted?
Can you imagine growing old with someone whilst being in a constant state of fervor? No, because it’s impossible.
Either your passion would fizzle out, or you’d pass out from all the ~emotions~.
My hunch is that if Heathcliff and Cathy married, their relationship would still be destructive.
Also, as a side note, I don’t want to be constantly riddled with passion. That sounds EXHAUSTING. I’ve got my hobbies. I love my husband, but I equally value my alone time.
Don’t marry someone you feel tepid about
Cathy is an idiot.
Somehow she’s self-aware enough to realize that Linton isn’t her ideal match, and yet she goes for it.
“It would degrade me to marry Heathcliff now; so he shall never know how I love him; and that, not because he’s handsome, Nelly, but because he’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same, and [Edgar’s] is as different as a moonbeam from lightning, or frost from fire.”
Here, she pits Heathcliff against Linton. Heathcliff is the same ilk as her, and Linton is the opposite. In this conversation with Nelly, she also says that her love for Linton “‘is like the foliage in the woods: time will change it, [she’s] well aware, as winter changes the trees.’”
Love that changes over time isn’t inherently a bad thing, but the way Cathy is comparing it to her love for Heathcliff degrades whatever love she could have with Linton.
Here’s a crazy thought: maybe Cathy would’ve been happier single.
She points out that the boys are not good matches — both for different reasons.
She could have avoided disastrous marriages on all sides and lived a life of freedom (which is what she actually wants — see below).
I know it would change the story, and that cultural expectations were different, but what if?
It pays to be self-aware
Like I mentioned above, Cathy doesn’t actually want to be tied down to anyone.
She’s a fiery, spirited woman.
It’s a shame that she subdues herself for a man.
Cathy regrets meeting the Lintons and their ‘civilized’ society to begin with, because it complicates her understanding of what she wants.
Her exposure to the Lintons makes her self-conscious (sort of like Adam and Eve become ashamed of their naked bodies once they eat the apple).
She realizes that she could have a higher social standing by marrying Linton, but before she met him, she wasn’t even cognizant of this social system.
“I wish I were a girl again, half-savage and hardy, and free.”
If Cathy had had a therapist, or some self-help books (and a modern sensibility) she might have been able to figure out that the whole marriage thing wasn’t really for her — at least not with these two bozos (okay, Linton isn’t really a bozo, but he isn’t right for her, either).
Today, we have access to all of these tools that can help us understand more about ourselves and what it is we actually want in life — romantically or otherwise.
If there is one thing you take away from this blog post, please let it be that you are entitled to take the time to figure out what matters to you and live life on your own terms! (As long as you aren’t hurting other people.)
Love based on mutual respect isn’t a bad idea
Emily Brontë ends the cycle of violence and revenge with Cathy 2.0 (Cathy and Linton’s daughter) and Hereton (Cathy’s brother, Hindley’s, son).
They’re cousins.
But, despite this uncomfortable overlap in gene pools, Cathy 2.0 and Hereton work at their relationship.
They actually don’t like each other at first, à la Pride & Prejudice. It’s only after they’ve gotten to know one another a bit that they start to open up.
Throughout their relationship they run into differences, but instead of acting like children and getting worked up about it, they talk it through.
Nelly depicts their relationship here:
The intimacy thus commenced grew rapidly; though it encountered temporary interruptions. Earnshaw was not to be civilized with a wish, and my young lady was no philosopher, and no paragon of patience; but both their minds tending to the same point — one loving and desiring to esteem, and the other loving and desiring to be esteemed — they contrived in the end to reach it.
The last line is the most significant: despite their differences, they work towards a common goal.
On one level, their goal is to teach Hereton how to read, but ‘their minds tending to the same point’ also represents their mutual decision to love one another.
Long story short (and, oh my god, is it a long story), tempestuous love is not sustainable over time; don’t marry a person you feel ‘meh’ about; take the time to reflect on what you want; and be with someone who is also invested in the longevity of your relationship.
Those are four solid tenets of love. Hold fast to them.
Thanks, Emily.
