Cheers to a New Chapter: Reflections on my Alcohol-Free Journey
On July 31, 2022, I wrote in my journal: “The Universe is steering me in this direction. I started reading Barbara O’Neal’s new book, This Place of Wonder, last night and one of the characters is getting out of rehab. Then, Sober Sis popped up in my Facebook feed and they have a 21-day reset beginning tomorrow (August 1, 2022). So, here we go. Not sure how this is going to go but I have support.”
Alcohol was a part of my life for over 40 years and then, it wasn’t. For more years than I want to admit, I had tried cutting back, making rules — never drink during the week, only have two drinks a night, drink wine not hard liquor — rules that were mostly broken. I functioned perfectly well in life — never missed work, didn’t appear publicly intoxicated but something kept niggling in the back of my mind. Am I drinking too much? Am I addicted? Do I (shudder) have a “drinking problem”?
I was always able to justify my drinking. I’d read someone’s quit drinking story and shake my head — nope, I’ve never done that, never hit that bottom, I’m not hiding wine and sneaking drinks on the sly. The one person (my husband) who saw me drinking at home — which in recent years was where I did most of my drinking — kept trying to reach me. But I’d get angry and defensive — of course, that was the alcohol talking but I was not willing to admit it.
In January of 2022, I did Dry January. It was trendy and cool, lots of people were doing it and I’d just take a break. No worries, easy-peasy.
Only it wasn’t that easy and the sum total of that month was just me waiting to have another drink. It’s surprising, really, how much time you can spend thinking about drinking when you aren’t drinking.
And so, I lasted through those 30 days. I mean I obviously drank on New Year’s Eve and into January 1 and on February 1st I picked up where I left off. By the end of July my husband was trying to have the conversation with me again and I was still angry and defensive. This time, though, when I wasn’t drinking, I knew he was right, and I was seriously considering my options when the Universe put up those two sign-posts — the book and Sober Sis — and I chose to follow the guidance.
As it turns out, what I needed to actually stop drinking for long enough to gain a perspective on it was information and support. I finally got through This Naked Mind by Annie Grace — a book I’d purchased years before but then tried to read while drinking. Let’s just say it’s extremely difficult to keep reading about the detriments of alcohol while you are still putting it in your body. Talk about cognitive dissonance!
I’m writing this today to acknowledge the journey I’ve made over the last 365 days and to tell anyone who is currently where I was a year ago that not drinking is not only possible, it’s a lovely way of life. There’s obviously a multi-billion dollar industry out there telling you otherwise — everywhere you turn.
When I first began this journey, I couldn’t imagine how I would navigate all those occasions when drinking was required. I mean, how did one celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Halloween, St. Patrick’s Day, Fourth of July…the list stretches into infinity…without alcohol?
I’m here to tell you it’s perfectly possible to celebrate all of those days without a drink. It’s also possible to mourn those things we use a drink to mourn without alcohol as well. Because in this culture, we drink when we are happy and we drink when we are sad. We drink to relax, to unwind, to have fun, to socialize. And the fact that this is so normalized is the exact reason we need support to break the cycle.
I joined a community — Sober Sis — for a 21-day reset. I was pleasantly surprised to find that after the first 10 days or so, my anxiety level about all the things I’d be missing had dropped considerably. A 21 or 30 day reset is a good place to begin if you have the right mind set. You need to not be in a mind set (as I was during the Dry January) of white-knuckling through the month just so you can start drinking again. I learned that you don’t have to say Forever but you do need to pay attention to what’s going on with you while you are doing a reset. And, if you really want to get a feeling for what being Alcohol Free is like, you need to commit to a longer period. For me, and it seems that a lot of research bears this out, 90 days felt like a commitment I could keep after my 21-day reset.
Once you’ve experienced 90–100 days without alcohol, you have a good foundation. There are many who get into the sober curious space with the intention of moderating. Maybe some do manage it. Once I’d passed 100 days, it felt more and more like maybe Forever wasn’t such a bad plan. If you’ve read this far, I’m guessing you’ve been questioning your drinking habit, so I’ll just give you a few resources to get you started on an Alcohol-Free exploration at the end of this article.
Being alcohol free has been a blessing in my spiritual journey and I wanted to acknowledge it but I won’t be writing constantly about alcohol free living because it’s a path I’ve taken and it’s just my lifestyle now. I’ve gained much more than I lost, and I encourage anyone who is sober curious to give it a chance.
Recommended Resources
- Gray Area Drinking: Tedx talk by Jolene Park — this was a real eye-opener for me when I first began
- Sober Sis 21-Day Reset (I absolutely would not be writing this without the support of this community and the continuing program of Alcohol-Free Living) https://www.sobersis.com/ss-home
- This Naked Mind (Besides the book, this web site will give you so many resources) https://thisnakedmind.com/
- Tired of Thinking About Drinking (Belle Robertson is a sober coach who sends out free emails every day. She also has paid penpal and other programs. I still read her emails every day.) https://www.tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com/
Books
There are probably thousands of “quit lit” books out there. Some will resonate with you more than others but there’s something for everyone. Here are just three of my favorites. You can find them at your favorite book retailer.
- The Sober Diaries by Claire Pooley
- This Naked Mind by Annie Grace
- Tired of Thinking About Drinking by Belle Robertson
