A Night Of Love Gained and Love Lost
Love always gives you a chance. It’s life that takes it away.
It was one-sided love at first sight. We met on our last day of college, and she had fallen for me.
The college threw a graduation party for the outgoing students. I had been seeing a girl for six months, but we knew it was not going to last a day beyond college.
There’s something tragic about knowing it was the last time you were going to be with someone, so I decided to bring her as my date.
There was the customary drinking, and my date, high on her three and a half vodka/tonics, decided that six months was not enough. We argued, but I didn’t want to remember my last day at college because of a fight, and so I decided to go for a walk.
I hadn’t gotten far when I saw a friend who had taken the drinking more seriously than the others. In his head, he was charming his way to get the number of a girl who was with her girlfriends, but I could see it on her face; she was scared and about to call the college authorities. I wrapped an arm around my friend and, with a promise of more drinking, dragged him away to a safe distance.
It was still 30 minutes to midnight when that girl came over and said,
“You are a good friend. Had it not been for you, your drunk friend would be regretting his actions by now.”
“I did it for you, not him,” replied the hopeless flirt in me.
Slightly taken aback by my directness, she said, “I have seen you around; you are Andy, right? Hi, I am Tara.”
“Do you fancy a drink, Tara?’ I took my chance.
I could see her hesitating, but I could also see her making up her mind. Maybe the ‘last day of college’ idea helped make her mind.
"Yes," she said, “I can get a drink.”
We walked around campus, drinks in our hands. She told me all about Shakespeare’s obsession with death and how the word suicide occurs a whopping 13 times in his plays. In return, I introduced her to the magical world of economics. I couldn’t really tell if she was into it or just sober enough to nod politely.
We talked for an hour, and as I was showing her around my favourite spots on campus, she asked if I wanted to go back to the party or whatever was left of it anyway.
“I would rather we go to your room,” I said. Did I mention it was the ‘last day of college’?
Again, she hesitated. Again, she said yes.
It was almost 2 AM when we got to her room. We were now in her bed, kissing passionately.
“You smell of wine and cigarettes," she said.
“So do you,” I quipped.
Suddenly conscious of what I said, she stopped and went to the bathroom.
The rooms were small, and I could hear her brushing her teeth. I decided this night would be like many such nights with many such girls I had met in college. In anticipation, I stripped to my underwear and got inside the sheets. As soon as she came back, I kissed her and started taking her clothes off. Things had really started to heat up by now, but out of nowhere, she said,
“What would you like to be 10 years from now?”.
It was my turn to hesitate. Did she really bring this up now? I thought. I decided to play along.
“Rich and famous,” I said vaguely. “You?”
“A writer,” came her very determined reply, like she had thought about this all evening.
“But what do you want to do to be rich and famous?” she carried on.
I was getting impatient now. “Should we do the talking in the morning?”
“I would very much like to talk now; wouldn’t it be nicer if we could talk till the sun came out?”
“Do you want me to leave then?” I asked grudgingly.
“Only if you want to.”
It was too tired to leave anyway, and despite whatever was happening now, I really liked the last few hours with her. We talked as we cuddled. She was doing the talking mostly.
She had so many ideas in her head about politics and capitalism. I loved listening to her voice and how passionate she was about things that had not concerned me up until this point in my life.
We could see the sun coming out through the curtains, but I didn’t want the night to get over.
I don’t know when sleep took over, and it was 9:30 AM when I glanced to check my phone. I wasn’t sure she wanted me there when she woke up, so I sneaked out of bed and was putting on my clothes when I heard a voice.
“Are you leaving without saying goodbye?”.
Fumbling for words, I lied, “No, no, I was going to write you a note and leave my number.”
She probably saw through the lie but still decided to offer me coffee.
“I wouldn’t mind that,” I replied, thinking about my busy day ahead and the very little sleep I got.
She went to the kitchen. I could hear her roommate, probably one of the girls she was with last night, giggling away as soon as she entered. The rooms were small, and I had to barely make an effort to listen to their chat.
“So how was last night? Did you get some?” She demanded to know, like only a roommate can.
“No, we didn’t have sex,” replied Tara, “but I had a great time,” she continued.
“Doing what?” was the obvious next question.
“We talked”
I seemed to have dropped my phone, and they heard the noise as the conversation ended there. But I smiled, knowing that Tara had a good time last night, sex or not.
Tara came out with the coffee soon after, and as we sat there sipping in silence, she said,
“I love autumn; look how beautiful it is outside. Do you want to grab some breakfast? But you might have plans already, so don’t worry if you can’t.”
“I do have to vacate my room, but I am sure I can push it back by a few hours. Let me arrange that with my landlord,” I instinctively replied.
Now it was her turn to show me her favourite spots. We took the bus to this old archaeological park, which had a cafe right in the middle. With the alcohol still in my blood, it was a bit of a struggle to walk to get to the cafe. I lit up a cigarette and kept walking behind her.
“Do you want me to call an ambulance?” She mocked as I struggled with the walking.
It was another 10 minutes before we reached the cafe. It had an amazing view of the nearby forest.
“How did you find this place?” I was genuinely curious.
“I come here with my boyfriend,” she said, really in the mood for banter.
We ordered brunch and sat there, waiting for the food to arrive. We talked about our plans for the next few days, and I invited her to visit my city with a promise to show her around.
She wanted to stay with her parents for a few weeks before eventually going to the capital to start working as an intern at a publishing house. I was still not sure if I was going to accept the job offer that I had or take some time off to think about my future plans.
My phone rang; it was the landlord. He wanted me to rush now, as the room needed to be vacated in the next hour. We hurried through the food and got the first bus back to the campus.
“I didn’t want to be a footnote…" she mumbled while sitting next to me.
“I am not sure I follow.”
“….a footnote in your college memories. A girl that you slept with on the last day of college but whose name you cannot be bothered to remember after a few years,” she completed.
We were almost there. As we were getting off the bus, I had this strong urge to kiss her.
“You should have said hi earlier, when you saw me around campus,” I said instead. It felt like we were supposed to have met earlier.
Her room was in the opposite direction, and I was really getting late. A quick hug and goodbye later, as I was walking back to my room, I turned around and ran in her direction.
“Tara, wait!” I shouted. She turned around, looking surprised but happy.
“I don’t think we have exchanged numbers,” I announced
“I thought you wanted to keep it that way,” she replied without sounding sad about it.
I took the phone from her hand and dialled my number.
“There you go; that’s all sorted now.” She smiled and hugged me again. I was now running to get back to my room, but with a wide smile on my face.
The next couple of days were a blur with all the moving around and saying goodbye to college friends. It was only when I woke up on the third day that I realised I had forgotten to text or call Tara, but neither did she. Maybe she was also busy with moving back to her parents house, I thought.
“Hi Stranger. How’s it being back home?” I dropped her a quick text and got out of bed.
No reply till lunch. I was not the desperate kind, but I was also not the kind who doesn’t hear back from girls he has been on a date with. I decided to wait until the evening.
It was 6:30 PM when I called on her mobile, and a part of me was prepared for it to go unanswered. Instead, I hear a tired “Hello” from the other side.
“Hello, can I speak with Tara please?”
“Who is this?” said the voice slowly.
“Andy, I am her friend from college.”
“This is Tara’s dad. I am afraid Tara cannot speak to you.” There was a pause.
“She had a major accident on her way home; she is in the ICU, and the doctor’s are not very confident…..” He broke down before he could complete the sentence.
I didn’t have the courage to say anything to Tara’s dad on the phone that day or call him again to check on her. But after a day, in one of the college WhatsApp group’s, a message was sent.
“In memory of our beloved Tara, the college has decided to organise a memorial on Tuesday, 9th September”
There were some more details about making a contribution to her family, along with details about her burial ceremony in her hometown, for anyone who wanted to attend.
It’s been ten years to this day. I never went to her hometown to meet her parents and find out what happened. I don’t think I ever can.
