Alexa, cook my lunch!
I wish she did that…
I tried saying this for quite a while…you see? But it didn’t work! I wish Alexa could cook my lunch or convince my teenage son to study. But even as I was busy wishing all this…here’s what happened in my kitchen one morning.
I walked up to my kitchen counter still feeling groggy one early morning when I saw a strange-looking creature walking across my kitchen quite confidently!
I thought I must have been hallucinating because I had had a fitful sleep the night before. I am sure I heard a thick metallic sound in my dreams the night before.
Fact or fiction?:
How can someone as ridiculously dressed as this be swooshing around in my kitchen as early as this?
Shiny metallic braces with a high raised collar, and tight clutching Gold belt made the creature look like straight out of a base camp! Oh, wait…I forgot to mention that cape. That outlandish cape. All this surely doesn’t seem to belong here.
Hmm… did my son invite some magician home in my absence? But what on earth is that gigantic-looking sword doing over there on the platform? And what about this weird blue light that goes on every time he walks? Hang on…is it a he/she?
Trying to ignore the flouted rule of ‘no shoes in the Kitchen’ I look up to catch a better view of the creature that has made my kitchen its own.
Someone from the Avengers movie:
To be honest, he looked like someone from an Avengers movie! Green skin, bony structure, sharp nails, conical face, and nothing that I could conclude as human.
I might have screamed out of fear! But what kept me going was the fact that he was making my child’s tiffin box for school. It also looked like he was going to prepare a grand lunch for me.
He had taken over my kitchen.
Even as I was mulling over all this, I craned my neck a little and looked up to face the eyes of the gigantic frame. Braving myself to see what I did, I came face to face with the penetrating deep eyes of the ghoulish creature.
My stomach churned a little. But I persevered willing myself to wait and watch the show.
The horror lunch:
I couldn’t have made a more messed up decision in my life before. Allowing an Alien to cook my lunch. But I realized it only after eating (or rather trying to eat) my lunch.
Brenan the Alien who had entered our house belonged to a very different kind of world. When he saw me peering, he sent me away locked the kitchen, and began work at full speed.
I could hear the cutlery jingling and the appliances whirring.
The Lunch Table:
The result of his two-hour hard work was sitting on my table. I took a look at the curry. It looked a shocking red. I didn’t want to think anything about it and be judgmental yet.
I could not fathom what vegetable sat there swimming in the semi-solid gravy. It better be edible! Because I am not a huge fan of crazy super foods like seaweed that they add to Sushi. I know…this is such a scandal! But I hate to admit this to the civilized world- that I hate Sushi.
I have too many apprehensions at this point. I am just hoping that that white and green paste sort of stuff kept there was Mayonnaise instead of Wasabi. In the center of the table was kept a whole big watermelon, cut in the middle and decorated very artistically for a salad.
It was time for my young son to come back from school. He is a fussy eater. How on earth am I going to answer his question “What’s there for lunch Mom?’”.
The culinary experience:
I decided to eat some food, picking up my courage. I took a piece of crusty bread which was meant to be a Roti. I tried bending it to dip it into the curry. But the thing was brittle, It made a crackling noise (actually) and broke apart!
The Roti pieces felt like some sharp broken glass pieces.
Dear God, forgive me for this excuse of a meal. I plunged the piece into the gravy and somehow stuffed it into my mouth. And Lo! I have no words for what I tasted.
Because the curry was so spicy! It could have easily taken in a tablespoon of my chili powder.
I looked up at the alien that was standing beside my table trying to serve me with a tearful eye. No..no! I wasn’t choked with emotions. Don’t get me wrong. It was just the effect of the heat from the spice levels in the curry.
“What is this dish called?” I asked daring to speak with the creature. It lifted its finger with its sharp nails pointed it toward the dish and said in an electromagnetic drawl that sounded more or less like AI.
This is called “the current from the heaven”…
“Hmm…this is called a wha…?” I replied baffled. “So this is called the current from the heaven…because it gives energy similar to current supply to your body. You know we aliens use electricity as the source of energy?” he said.
“Ah…yes!” I replied still dazed at the incredible experience.
“We believe in using as much chili powder as possible in our cooking to bring you the electric effect,” he said proud of himself.
I gave a disbelieving look.
“We also use every vegetable we can find in every meal in a semi-cooked state. This will help in balancing all the nutrition that the body needs!”. This time I gave him a murderous glance as I am responsible for answering my teenage son.
“What is that white and green paste there?” I enquired.
“It is Bitter gourd cream cheese delight,” he said casually. “I used a blend of bitter gourd, Kiwi fruit, mint, and cream cheese to make this delicacy,” he said very much thrilled with the idea that I was asking questions and receiving knowledge about his great skill of Alien cooking.
To say that I was shell-shocked would be an understatement. I can’t believe he wasted cream cheese on bitter gourd. I was struggling with so many things all at once:
Firstly, the dry roti that was challenging my teeth. Then the spicy curry that was threatening to burn my liver down. Also what about the holy name “The current from heaven”? I’ll never be able to process this one in my head. Now forget about the Bitter gourd cream cheese delight. It better not exist in my world!
But breaking my reverie was the alien’s words that was said with a little flourish and a bow “Bon Appetit Maam”.
“Do you want to hear what’s there for snacks Maam? There’s an array of cooked lentils sprinkled with pepper powder, lemon zest, cinnamon, pounded ginger powder…” the alien continued speaking.
But I had stopped listening. This was the most cruel joke in my life!
