Change
The Work of Byron Katie
Suffering is Optional
Did you know Byron Katie?
I’ve encountered The Work of Byron Katie in an article on the Internet.
Later, I made a small investigation into it.
In this article, first, we’ll know Byron Katie a bit, and then we’ll learn The Work.
While reading some psychological books before, I have done similar works, but I can say that this work is very simple but much more powerful! … It may open new windows in front of you, and some of you may witness that your life will be split into two parts, such as “before learning The Work” and “after learning The Work”.
Now, I recommend you take a pen and paper and do The Work while reading this article.
However, I recommend you buy her book as well. Nowadays I’m reading her book called Loving What Is, and while reading the book, I’ve been doing The Work with each example given in the book. I’m sure while reading, you’ll also observe that you are changing!… It is such a powerful method for questioning your thoughts and finding inner peace!…
Let’s start…
Byron Katie
If you haven’t met Byron Katie yet, I would like to introduce this wonderful, incredible woman to everyone.
What is her property that makes her so incredible?
Here it is:
Byron Katie was a suicidal, depressed, sickly, unhappy woman with a victim mentality for many years. However, she woke up one morning in February 1986 as a completely different person.
Katie calls it ‘waking up to reality’ and she tells what happened in that moment of enlightenment, as follows:
“I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but when I didn’t believe them, I didn’t suffer, and that this is true for every human being.
Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment.”
Soon afterward, people started seeking Katie out and asking how they could find the freedom that they saw in her. People from her own town and eventually from elsewhere came to meet her, and some even lived with her.
As reports spread about the transformations people felt they were experiencing through The Work, Katie was invited to present it publicly elsewhere in California, then throughout the United States, and eventually in Europe and across the world.
She has taught her method to people at free public events, in prisons, hospitals, churches, corporations, shelters for survivors of domestic violence, universities and schools, at weekend intensives, and her nine-day “School for The Work.”
The current details of the ‘School for The Work’ can be found here:
In 2003, Byron Katie first introduced the world to The Work with the publication of her book Loving What Is.
Nearly twenty years later, Loving What Is continues to inspire people all over the world to do The Work; to listen to the answers they find inside themselves, and to open their minds to profound, spacious, and life-transforming insights.
Her books include the bestselling Loving What Is now in a revised edition, I Need Your Love — Is That True?, A Thousand Names for Joy, and A Mind at Home with Itself.
Images of Byron Katie and her book covers can be found here:
Now, do you have to buy the book Loving What Is to learn The Work?
No!
It is so simple that you can learn it without reading the book.
However, I strongly recommend you read the book…
The Work of Byron Katie
The Work is simply 4 questions that, when applied to a specific problem, enable you to see what is troubling you in an entirely different light.
So How Does ‘The Work’ Work?
The Work is a simple but effective questioning process that teaches you to identify and question the thoughts that cause all the suffering in your life.
It is a way to show you what is causing your pain and how you should handle your problems.
In short, it works like this:
📌 NOTICE
To begin, relax and be still. Travel in your mind to a specific situation where you were angry, hurt, sad, or disappointed with someone. Witness the situation. Be there now. Notice, name, and feel the emotion you were experiencing at the time. Find the reason you were upset.
📌 WRITE: ‘Judge-Your-Neighbor’ Worksheet (will be given below)
Fill out the form called ‘Judge-Your-Neighbor’ Worksheet
Staying anchored in the situation, at a specific moment in time, write down your responses to the questions on the Worksheet, using short, simple sentences. Write without censoring yourself. Allow yourself to be as judgmental, childish, and petty as you were in that moment. This is an opportunity to discover the cause of your stress and emotions in that moment.
📌 QUESTION : Ask 4 questions (will be given below)
To begin, isolate the statements you have written while answering questions 1 through 5 in the ‘Judge-Your-Neighbor’ Worksheet from the emotion words. Now apply the four questions for each statement.
This Work is a meditation practice. It’s like diving into yourself. Contemplate the questions, one at a time. Drop into the depths of yourself, listen, and wait. The answer will meet your question.
📌 Turn the thought around (will be expalined in detail below)
🟥 ‘Judge-Your-Neighbor’ Worksheet
For years we have been told how wrong it is to judge other people, but still we all judge — how our friends should act, who our children should care about, what our parents should feel, what they should do or say…
With The Work, we’ll see rather than repressing these judgments, we take it as a starting point.
By allowing this judging mind to come to life on paper, we see those around us as a mirror and discover aspects of ourselves that we are not yet aware of.
Fill out the ‘Judge-Your-Neighbor’ Worksheet below:
Think of a stressful situation with someone — for example, an argument. As you meditate on that specific time and place and begin to feel what that felt like, fill in the blanks below. Use short, simple sentences.
1. In this situation, who angers, confuses, hurts, saddens, or disappoints you, and why?
I am ………… ( write your emotion) with …………. (name) because …………
Examples:
“I get angry with my neighbor because he behaves very disrespectfully and rudely.’”
or
“I am angry with Paul because he lied to me.”
Your answer:
I am ………… ( write your emotion) with …………. (name) because …………
2. In this situation, how do you want him/her to change? What do you want him/her to do?
I want ….. (name) to…..
Examples:
“I want my neighbor to see that he is wrong.”
or
“I want Paul to see that he is wrong. I want him to stop lying to me.”
Your answer:
I want ….. (name) to…..
3. In this situation, what advice would you offer him/her? “He/she should/shouldn’t…”
The person named ………………. should not do……………………………….
Examples:
“My neighbor should not act disrespectfully.”
or
“Paul shouldn’t frighten me with his behavior. Paul should understand me.”
Your answer:
The person named ………………. should not do……………………………….
4. In order for you to be happy in this situation, what do you need him/her to think, say, feel, or do?
I need………………(name of the person) to……….
Examples:
“I want my neighbor to respect me.”
or
“I need Paul to stop talking over me. I need him to really listen to me.”
Your answer:
I need………………(name of the person) to……….
5. What do you think of him/her in this situation? Make a list. (It’s okay to be petty and judgmental.)
…… (name) is …………………………………………………………………
Examples:
“My neighbor is a disrespectful, inconsiderate, unconscious person who has no value judgments.”
or
“Paul is a liar, arrogant, loud, dishonest, and unconscious.”
Your answer:
…… (name) is …………………………………………………………………
6. What is it about this person and situation that you don’t ever want to experience again?
I don’t ever want ………………………………………………
Examples:
“I never want to let him get on my nerves again.”
or
“I don’t ever want Paul to lie to me again. I don’t ever want to experience an argument with Paul.”
Your answer:
I don’t ever want ………………………………………………
🟥 Ask the 4 Questions
In its simplest form, The Work consists of the following 4 questions and turnarounds.
1- Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to question 3.)
2- Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
3- How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4- Who or what would you be without the thought?
Do you really want to know the truth?
Investigate each of your statements from the ‘Judge-Your-Neighbor’ Worksheet using the 4 questions and the turnarounds below.
Often you will have several negative judgments about one person. Take each judgment separately through the inquiry process.
The Work is meditation. It’s about awareness; it’s not about trying to change your mind.
Let the mind ask the questions, then contemplate. Take your time, go inside, and wait for the deeper answers to surface.
For example, let’s take the first sentence in the worksheet above:
‘I get angry with my neighbor because he behaves very disrespectfully and rudely.’
We isolate the emotion from the statement. Then the statement to be questioned is:
‘My neighbor behaves very disrespectfully and rudely.’
Apply the following 4 questions to this statement:
1- Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to question 3.)
The answer to the first two questions is just one syllable: either yes or no. Be still and find your honest yes or no as it arises to meet the question. If your answer shows up as a yes, move to question two. If it’s no, then experience that no for a moment and then move to question three.
2- Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
If your answer to question one is yes, ask yourself:
“Can I absolutely know that it’s true?”
Take this opportunity to look again. Shine the flashlight on that moment in time again, and see what reveals itself to you.
3- How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Close your eyes and witness the feelings, body sensations, and behaviors that arise when you believe that thought.
Notice and report the answers to any of the following:
- What images do you see, past or future, and what emotions or physical sensations arise as you witness those images?
- How did you treat the other person?
- How did you treat yourself?
- Do any obsessions or addictions begin to appear when you believe that thought?
4- Who or what would you be without the thought?
Closing your eyes, return to the situation.
Take a moment to reflect, observe, and experience the situation again, this time without the thought.
Who or what would you be without the thought?
How would you see or feel about the other person?
Drop all of your judgments. Notice what is revealed.
🟥 Turn the Thought Around
After reviewing all your statements with 4 Questions, you are ready to turn the concept you are questioning around.
Each turnaround offers the opportunity to experience the opposite of your original statement, allowing you to see the similarities between you and the person you are judging.
Often a statement can be turned around to the self, to the other, and to the opposite. Not every statement has as many as three turnarounds. Some may have just one or two, and others may have more than three. Some turnarounds may not make any sense to you. Don’t force these.
For example,
‘My neighbor treats me disrespectfully.’
can be turned around to:
‘My neighbor does not treat me disrespectfully.’
Another turnaround might be:
‘I treat my neighbor disrespectfully’.
The third one is:
‘I treat myself disrespectfully’.
Get creative with turnarounds. They are discoveries that reveal aspects of yourself you haven’t seen before, reflected back through other people. When you find a turnaround, go within and allow yourself to feel it.
As Katie said;
“Upon living through my reflections, I realized that everything I told you belonged to myself. You were merely my reflection.
Now, instead of trying to change the world around me (which didn’t work out, but for a mere 43 years), I’m putting my thoughts on paper, examining them, turning them around, and discovering that what I thought was you is actually myself.
The moment I saw you as selfish, I realized I was behaving selfishly (by deciding how you should be).
The moment I saw you as rude, I found myself behaving rudely.
The moment I believed you needed to cease the war, I found myself waging war against you in my mind.”
Examples of Turnrounds:
“He has to understand me.” may be turned around to :
- He doesn’t have to understand me. (This is real)
- I have to understand him.
- I have to understand myself.
“He needs to treat me well.” may be turned around to :
- He doesn’t have to be nice to me.
- I have to treat him well.
- I need to be good to myself.
“He does not approach me with love.” may be turned around to :
- He approaches me with love. (as much as he can)
- I don’t approach him with love.
- I do not approach myself with love. (when I don’t question myself)
“He shouldn’t shout at me.” may be turned around to :
- He should shout at me. (obviously he really yells at me sometimes, but do I listen?)
- I shouldn’t yell at him.
- I shouldn’t yell at myself. (I keep repeating his yelling at me in my head, so who is more merciful, the one who yelled at me once or me who repeated it a hundred times?)
As you do The Work on subjects such as the body, disease, career, or God, when you come to the turnarounds, substitute the words “My thinking” for the subject.
Example: “My body should be strong, flexible, and healthy” turns around to
“My thinking should be strong, flexible, and healthy.”
Isn’t that what you really want — a balanced, healthy mind? Has a sick body ever been a problem, or is it your thinking about the body that causes the problem?
Turnarounds are your recipe for happiness.
Live the medicine you give to others. The world is just waiting for one person to experience this.
You are this person!
💟 Embracing the Truth
After turning around the judgments in your answers to questions 1 through 5 in the ‘Judge-Your-Neighbor’ Worksheet (by asking whether they are true or definitely true), you can turn around the answer to the 6th question to
“I am ready to do…” and “I look forward to doing…”
For example, “I never want to let him get on my nerves again” can be turned around to
“I’m ready to give him the opportunity to get on my nerves.”
Why are you ready for this?
The 6th question is about fully embracing your whole mind and life without fear and being open to the truth.
If you get angry with your neighbor again, that’s good. If it pains you, you can put your thoughts on paper and question them.
The thoughts that disturb us merely remind us that we are attached to something that may not be real.
They remind us that we need to do The Work.
‘Your Work’ is not finished until you can see your enemy as a friend. This doesn’t mean you should invite him to dinner.
Friendship is an inward experience. You may never see him again, but when you think of him, do you feel stress or peace? This is important.
Lastly, using the 4 questions and the turnarounds, now let’s investigate another statement from the ‘Judge-Your-Neighbor’ Worksheet and understand better all the things explained above:
Paul should understand me.
1. Is it true? Is it true that he should understand you?
Be still. Wait for the heart’s response.
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
Ultimately, can you really know what he should or shouldn’t understand? Can you absolutely know what is in his best interest to understand?
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
What happens when you believe “Paul should understand me” and he doesn’t?
Do you experience anger, stress, or frustration?
How do you treat Paul?
Do you try to change him in any way?
How do these reactions feel?
How do you treat yourself?
Does that thought bring stress or peace into your life?
Be still as you listen.
4. Who or what would you be without the thought?
Close your eyes. Picture yourself in the presence of Paul in this situation.
Now imagine looking at Paul, just for a moment, without the thought “Paul should understand me.”
What do you see?
What would your life look like without that thought?
The Turnarounds
Recall, that a statement can be turned around to the self, to the other, and to the opposite.
For example,
“Paul should understand me.” turns around to:
I should understand me.
I should understand Paul.
Paul shouldn’t understand me.
Let yourself fully experience the turnarounds. For each one, find at least three specific, genuine examples where the turnaround is true for you in this situation.
This is not about blaming yourself or feeling guilty.
It’s about discovering alternatives that can bring you peace.
The Turnaround for Statement 6
The turnaround for statement 6 is a little different:
“I don’t ever want to experience an argument with Paul.” again turns around to:
I am willing to experience an argument with Paul again.
I look forward to experiencing an argument with Paul again.
The turnaround for statement 6 is about welcoming all your thoughts and experiences with open arms, as it shows you where you are still at war with reality.
If you feel any resistance to a thought, “Your Work” is not done.
When you can honestly look forward to experiences that have been uncomfortable, there is no longer anything to fear in life.
You see everything as a gift that can bring you self-realization.
Everything you need to do The Work is available to you for free on this website. You can download the ‘Judge-Your-Neighbor’ Worksheet and more.
I think, Byron Katie is living proof of the first part of the following verse.
Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know.
Baqarah-216
She was reborn from her sufferings, which she disliked for years, and is now helping people all over the world, which may be what God wanted her to do.
Don’t you think so?…
With Love… 🙏🏻
