No, You Don’t Quite Understand FOMO Yet
Have you ever felt that unsettling notion that your life could and should be more fulfilling, even if you’re objectively doing well? That creeping unease that you might be missing out on something crucial? If you’ve experienced this, you’re not alone. FOMO, a common emotional tendency, is a part of our everyday lives, yet its true depth and impact often elude us despite years of study.
Widely used definitions of FOMO
Academics often define it as a ‘pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent.’ In consumer behavior, it’s a ‘worry about missing out on consumption opportunities’ due to social media-induced envy. And those pop psychology articles? They often simplify FOMO as a sense of social exclusion and regret. But trust me, that barely scratches the surface. There’s more to it than meets the eye.
Redefining FOMO
My definition of FOMO is more comprehensive: FOMO is a perpetual emotional tendency (Affective Predisposition) to experience anxiety or fear when we think we are missing or might miss good experiences and opportunities to advance and improve ourselves and our lives in every sense.
This new understanding of FOMO can enlighten us about its true nature and impact.
FOMO is that deep-seated fear that we’re missing out on anything and everything that could make our lives more rewarding. Whether it’s a dream vacation, a new restaurant, or a career opportunity, if it has the potential to add a little zest to our lives, you can bet we’re worried about not being a part of it. It’s not just about the social scene. It’s about the fear of not living our best lives in every possible way.
The Unique Nature of FOMO
Most fears are about avoiding the bad stuff, right? We’re afraid of monsters under the bed, of things that go bump in the night. But FOMO? It’s a whole different beast. We’re not scared of something terrible happening; we’re terrified that something desired might NOT happen. It’s like FOMO is our inner cheerleader, urging us to seize the day and make the most of every moment. As the brilliant Mark Twain put it, ‘Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.’
The Roots of FOMO
So, where does this all come from? FOMO has its roots in two big things that have shaped who we are over the last couple of centuries. First, we’ve had this massive shift in thinking where we’ve come to believe that every one of us is unique and deserving of living our best lives. We’re all drinking the Kool-Aid of personal growth and self-realization. Oprah was really onto something with all that “live your best life” talk.
Second, the world has exploded with possibilities thanks to technology, politics, and the economy. We’ve got more options than a kid in a candy store, and it’s both exhilarating and overwhelming. The Industrial Revolution kicked it off, and then globalization and the digital age poured gasoline on the fire. Social media is like the cherry on top, constantly rubbing in our faces all the fantastic stuff we could be experiencing, doing, accomplishing, and having.
So, what do we end up with?
We’re bombarded 24/7 with images of everyone else living these picture-perfect, Instagram-worthy lives, and it’s enough to make even the most confident among us feel inadequate. We feel more than envy. It is the revelation of what we can maximize or miss. FOMO is the existential crisis of our generation, the persistent feeling that we’re not living up to our full potential and that life is passing us by. It’s the gulf between what we think our lives should look like and the reality of our day-to-day grind. Heavy stuff, right?
Our FOMO-driven motivations
FOMO shapes how we think and act to fulfill our needs in various ways. Here are ten motivations it awakens in us:
1. Maximizing Time and Seizing Every Moment: FOMO is that little voice telling us to carpe diem and make every second count. We’re multitasking maniacs, trying to cram in as much as possible because we’re afraid of wasting even a moment.
2. Insatiable Appetite to Taste Life in its Myriad Flavors: FOMO turns us into experience junkies, always chasing the next high and wanting to sample every flavor of life’s rich tapestry. Exotic travel? Sign us up. Weird new cuisine? Pass the fork. This hunger for novelty even has a fancy name: “Newism.”
3. Seeking Instant Gratification: In the age of FOMO, patience is a dirty word. We want everything yesterday, from our food to our info. YOLO, am I right? We’re all about those snap decisions and limited-time offers.
4. Staying Always On and NOW-focused: FOMO is like a demanding toddler, screaming for our attention and keeping us laser-focused on the present. We’re hooked on real-time updates and live streaming, constantly plugged in, and never want to miss a beat.
5. Being Synchronized, Staying Current, and Relevant: FOMO makes us desperate to keep up with the Joneses, the Kardashians, or whoever the cool kids are these days. We’re trend-chasers and bandwagon-jumpers, afraid of being left behind in the cultural dust.
6. Seeking Continuous Life Upgrading: FOMO convinces us that our grass can always be greener. There’s always a better version of what we have, whether it’s our phone, job, or partner. It’s a never-ending cycle of upgrades and updates, chasing that elusive feeling of satisfaction.
7. Striving for Ongoing Personal Growth: FOMO is also a powerful motivator for self-improvement. It pushes us to learn, grow, and become the best versions of ourselves.
8. The Drive for Frequent Changes: FOMO is like that friend who’s always trying to get you to change your hair or rearrange your furniture. It sparks a constant itch for novelty and renewal, whether it’s a new career, city, or look.
9. Keeping Our Options Open: FOMO is the enemy of commitment. We’re always worried that something better might come, so we keep our options open and avoid tying ourselves down. We’re a generation of maybe-ers and let-me-think-about-it-ers.
10. Resisting the Aging Process: Let’s face it, getting older is the ultimate FOMO trigger. We’re terrified of missing out on our youth, so we chase after every anti-aging potion and procedure under the sun. We’re all trying to be “Perennials,” staying fresh and relevant no matter how many candles are on our birthday cake.
What are we afraid of missing?
Of course, what triggers FOMO is different for everyone. What matters to us and what is at stake for us are the things we fear missing out on. We all have our unique blend of hopes, dreams, and anxieties, which flavor our personal “FOMO cocktail,” if you will.
For some, FOMO is all about climbing the career ladder. They fear missing out on that game-changing opportunity, the project that could catapult them to success. Career-focused FOMO can be a real taskmaster, cracking the whip and pushing us to hustle constantly.
On the other hand, some people’s FOMO is more about relationships and social connections. They worry about missing out on joint experiences and inside jokes. For these social butterflies, the fear of being left out can sting like a swarm of bees.
Then there are the experience junkies, always chasing the next adrenaline rush. They dream of stamping their passport in far-flung places, collecting memories like postcards. Experience-driven FOMO can leave us feeling like we’re missing chapters in the great novel of life.
Of course, these are just a few examples — there are as many flavors of FOMO as there are people on this beautiful, messy planet. FOMO is profoundly personal and rooted in our values and desires.
The three types of FOMO triggers
So what kicks FOMO into high gear? It usually happens when a captivating opportunity might slip through our fingers. This can crop up in three classic scenarios:
A. When we are aware of fleeting opportunities, at least for us
In our fast-paced world, blink and you might miss it. Limited-time offers, flash sales, and one-time events all have us feeling like Cinderella at the ball, terrified that our carriage is about to turn back into a pumpkin. A hot new restaurant opening? You better snag a reservation before the rest of the city catches on. A once-in-a-lifetime trip with friends? I have to jump on that before life gets in the way. When we know an opportunity expires, FOMO hits hard and fast.
B. When we must choose between alternatives and give up on those we didn’t choose
Ah, the agony of choice. We’re closing the door on many other possibilities with every decision. And FOMO loves nothing more than to make us second-guess ourselves. That vacation you took to the beach? Maybe the mountains would have been better. The partner you committed to? But what about all those other fish in the sea? Every choice becomes a source of potential regret, a nagging “what if” that haunts us.
C. When we think of realities that we strongly desire but can’t achieve, either now or at all
FOMO isn’t just about missing out on actual opportunities — it’s also about the ones we dream of. We fantasize about having a perfect body, traveling the world, owning a hugely successful business, and being wildly wealthy. But the reality of bills, responsibilities, and limitations bursts that bubble. The gap between where we are and where we think we should be is a breeding ground for FOMO.
The Two Poles of FOMO
So, how does FOMO play out in our lives? We tend to react to it in one of two directions, like the North and South poles of our internal compass.
On one end, we have what I call “The Frenzy Pole.” This is when FOMO kicks us into overdrive, and we try to do ALL THE THINGS. We’re like hamsters on a wheel, running ourselves ragged to keep up. We overcommit, overextend, and burn the candle at both ends. We’re afraid to say no to anything because we might miss out on THE BEST THING EVER. But the irony is that we end up so frazzled and frantic that we can’t even enjoy the experiences we’re chasing. We’re stuck in a cycle of “never enough.”
Then there’s the other end of the spectrum, “The Paralysis Pole.” This is when FOMO overwhelms us to the point of inaction. With so many choices and possibilities, we get stuck in analysis paralysis mode. If we commit to one thing, we might miss out on something better, so we commit to nothing. We second-guess every decision, always wondering if we made the right call. We’re so afraid of closing doors that we leave them all wide open, and then we’re surprised when we feel a draft.
FOMO as a Driver of Mega-Trends
FOMO isn’t just shaping our individual lives; its cumulative impact is driving some of the biggest trends in society. It’s like a cultural tidal wave sweeping us along for the ride. FOMO plays a significant role in over thirty phenomena prevalent in our culture today that shape our mindsets and lifestyles.
Remember those three primary triggers we discussed — not achieving enough, missing fleeting opportunities, and not being enough? They’re the puppeteers behind the curtain, pulling the strings of major societal shifts.
That fear of not achieving or experiencing enough? It’s why we’re all so dang busy all the time. Being busy and multitasking is the new black of our generation. We’re collecting experiences like they’re Pokémon cards, trying to catch them all before the game is over. YOLO and FOMO are BFFs, egging each other to live life to the fullest.
Then there’s the fear of missing fleeting opportunities, which has us glued to our phones like they’re an extra appendage. Our attention spans are shorter than a goldfish’s because, heaven forbid, we focus on one thing and miss out on the latest viral meme. “New” is the holy grail; we’re all disciples at the altar of novelty.
Let’s not forget the fear of not being enough, which has spawned a whole self-improvement industrial complex. We’re all trying to optimize ourselves like software programs, from our bodies to our brains and souls. Personal growth is the new religion, and FOMO is the devil on our shoulders whispering that we’re falling behind.
FOMO in the Business World
FOMO is also a major player in the business world. It’s like the invisible hand of the market, shaping everything from consumer behavior to corporate strategy.
For companies, FOMO is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, it’s a powerful marketing tool — create a sense of scarcity or exclusivity and watch the customers come running. Limited-edition products, one-time sales, and “while supplies last” are all classic FOMO triggers businesses use to drive demand.
Conversely, FOMO can also lead to poor decision-making in the C-suite. When everyone else jumps on the latest trend bandwagon, it’s hard to be the lone voice of reason saying, “Hold up, is this a good idea?” The fear of being left behind can lead to rash choices, like ill-advised acquisitions or knee-jerk pivots.
And let’s not forget about the employees caught in the middle of all this. FOMO can be a significant source of workplace stress, whether the constant pressure to be “on” and available 24/7 or the nagging sense that you’re not climbing the corporate ladder fast enough. It’s like trying to run a race where the finish line keeps moving.
The Upside of FOMO
If we know how to harness FOMO, it can be a force for good in our lives.
At its core, FOMO is about wanting to make the most of life’s possibilities. It says, “Hey, why not give it a shot?” The spark ignites our sense of adventure, the itch that pushes us to explore new horizons.
Sure, sometimes that itch can lead us astray, like when we impulse-buy a one-way ticket to Bali or haste to invest in a “once-in-a-lifetime Opportunity.” But more often than not, FOMO gets us off the couch and out into the world. We say yes to that impromptu road trip, sign up for that cooking class, or finally book that trip we’ve been dreaming about for years.
FOMO is also a powerful motivator for growth and achievement. That insistent sense that we could be doing more being more drives us to push past our comfort zones and reach for new heights.
Of course, like anything in life, it’s all about balance. Too much FOMO, and we risk burning out or losing sight of what matters. But a healthy dose of FOMO? That’s the spice that adds flavor to an otherwise bland existence.
Making Friends with FOMO
The goal isn’t to banish FOMO entirely but to hug it and say, “Hey, FOMO, let’s be friends and make some magic together!”
Vivian Greene said, “Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” So, how do we make FOMO work for us, not against us? The key is shifting our perspective and seeing it as an ally instead of an enemy.
Instead of letting FOMO bully us into overcommitting or chasing after every shiny object, we need to clarify our priorities and values. What matters most to YOU? What kind of life do YOU want to live? Use FOMO as a compass to point you toward the experiences and opportunities that truly light you up inside.
You can listen to your FOMO without automatically following its call. Acknowledge it, but don’t let it control you. Use it as a prompt to get curious about what’s there beneath the surface and beyond the horizon. Ask yourself: Is this an opportunity that aligns with your goals, or is it just a distraction in disguise?
Ultimately, making friends with FOMO is about having the confidence to say no to the things that don’t serve you so you can say yes to the things that do. It’s like going to a buffet and filling your plate with all the experiences that make your heart sing rather than piling it high with everything just because it’s there.
Befriending FOMO is like learning to juggle while riding a unicycle — it takes practice, balance, and a good sense of humor. But trust me, it’s so worth it. In the immortal words of Drake: “You only live once: that’s the motto, YOLO.”
