This is a Standard Identity Verification Process
Are you sure you are you?
Hello, $name!
Are you sure you are you?
Help us begin the verification process. Take a selfie. Take a selfie with your government ID. Take a selfie doing the robot. Verify you’re not a robot by falling over.
Processing…
Please accept the terms and conditions to give permissions to all your pictures and emails. By pressing continue, this gives us full irrevocable access to all your keystrokes, pics and documents, even the embarrassing deleted ones.
Yes, those ones.
Why did you dress up your cat in that outfit anyways? He doesn’t seem to like it. That’s probably why you’re covered in scratches in your selfie.
Uploading photos…
Are you still sure you’re human? In the span that you started this process maybe someone stole your identity. Did you change your hair? Take a selfie again, this time with your credit cards and social security card.
Checking errors…
You made a typo. HA! Idiot.
