Angry, irritable, and ready to pop: It’s ADHD “crackliness”

I still remember the question my psychiatrist asked me that led me to get evaluated for ADHD. It was an unexpected and very specific question. We’d been chatting about how excruciating it was for me to finish writing tasks. This was problematic because at that time, writing was my whole career. I’d often spend nights and weekends in coffee shops trying to finish the assignments I couldn’t get done during regular working hours.

Then he asked me: “When you’re sitting in a coffee shop writing and someone makes an unexpected noise — a slurp, a tap of their heels, a laugh — do you suddenly feel so irritated and mad that you can’t get back to work?”

I was speechless. How could he have known this? I worked hard to keep my irrational rage (as I perceived it) a secret.

When I finally answered yes, he suggested I get evaluated for ADHD. I later got diagnosed. Since then, I’ve learned about the connection between ADHD, irritability, and at times explosive anger. It’s related to executive function skills, which people with ADHD struggle with. Trouble managing emotions, trouble with self-control…a perfect storm for small “problems” to cause major irritability or even an angry outburst.

I’ve found community talking about this kind of stuff on the podcast I host, ADHD Aha! Most recently, the topic of irritability and anger came up during my interview with Jake Lambert, a comedian and actor who lives in West Hollywood. I related to so much of what he shared. We even came up with a word to describe the feeling: “crackly.”

Here’s Jake…

“I think ‘crackly’ is a great word for it. I lived in apartments a lot as a kid — poorly insulated apartments. And we’d have really loud upstairs neighbors or a loud barking dog next door, whatever it was. And those sounds, especially if they were infrequent and sporadic and I had no control over them, they would literally cause this bubbling rage inside me.

“I think I viewed myself as irritable because I didn’t understand where this rage was coming from. I never considered myself to be an angry person. But during those moments I could lash out and say things that 10 minutes later I couldn’t believe I’d said.

“During a conversation with someone, it could be something as simple as they’re tapping their leg, or they’re tapping their pen, or they’re making a noise. As soon as that happens, my brain shuts off. It’s only focusing on that. I can’t even hear what they’re saying. My response would be to lash out at someone in that moment or quickly dismiss what they said.

“Honestly, I think a lot of my friendships during youth came to an end for that reason. Not necessarily directly because they were making some kind of noise and I lashed out and that was it. But in the sense that they couldn’t fully understand me.”

Unlike Jake, my “crackliness” didn’t lead to the end of any friendships — at least none that I can recall. But I do remember feeling like I had to constantly hide my irritability. I’d put a lid on angry reactions as much as I could, or apologize profusely and make excuses for the ones I couldn’t hold in.

It was a constant bubbling pressure in my life for years. And it took me being open with others about my ADHD to feel less crackly toward them and myself. And that finally released the pressure valve.

The “ADHD Aha!” podcast transcript was edited for clarity.