Becoming self-employed helped me drop my ADHD mask
The choices that scare us the most often lead to a freedom we didn’t know existed. At least that’s what life showed me when I left my career in professional development to become a self-employed ADHD coach.
The scariest part of this decision wasn’t the financial risk — which is what most people expect. Instead, the scariest part was the thought of finally dropping my ADHD “mask” and releasing the habits and behaviors I had formed in the office. See, masking involves consciously or unconsciously covering ADHD traits in an effort to appear “normal.” It may look like perfectionism or refusing to ask for help. Or taking work home to conceal that it’s not getting done during the day.
For me, masking looked like all of these examples plus a wicked case of imposter syndrome. I lived in fear that at any moment, my colleagues might figure out that I wasn’t a functional adult but instead an immature kid playing “office.” I overprepared for meetings and I struggled with recalling details. I felt like I was on a tightrope balancing life with ADHD.
I went overboard to appear competent. I made myself “look busy” so my team would believe I was working just as hard as they were. There’s a cognitive load associated with constant self-monitoring and comparison to others. It takes energy to pretend to be someone else, and eventually that begins to show up physically, too. Masking was exhausting.
Things changed once I became my own boss.
Nowadays, I’m finally feeling “at home.” I now work with a team of people who are struggling with similar learning and thinking challenges. Nobody minds if I need to stretch during a session or if I lose my train of thought. I can bring my whole, true self to the office. And I love that I can afford other people the grace I didn’t have in the workplace.
I’m no longer internalizing the messages of shame that are easy to pick up in an office setting. I’ve released the need to “just look normal,” and I’m stepping into the light of self-acceptance — and maybe even a little pride.
These days, I’m taking charge and owning it. I feel more in control of my thoughts and internal monologue. I’m staying on task a bit more easily and releasing the shame of my ADHD mistakes. I’m becoming my best self and a great entrepreneur. And all I had to do was drop my mask and go.
