Being a mom with ADHD is tough, but the journey is still sweet

I found out I had ADHD when I was well into adulthood and already a mom. I had pretty much hidden my challenges well enough to feel like a fairly functional person. But when my kids came along, everything changed.

Just imagine life as a new parent. Then add having ADHD. I was overwhelmed, and I didn’t know how to ask for help. It was nearly impossible to choose just one task to delegate to a partner, grandparent, or any other kind soul who wanted to help. My brain needed extra time to process and think things through. Everything felt urgent.

I didn’t feel like a real grown-up once I had kids. Maybe it was the executive function challenges — not feeling capable of “adulting” when I had trouble staying organized and a habit of procrastinating. I’d often think to myself, “How am I supposed to teach my kids things I haven’t mastered myself?”

My kids have ADHD, too. Over time, I learned that building healthy, consistent routines for all of us was going to require strengthening working memory skills and emotional regulation. Both of which were going to take practice.

My kids provided — and still provide — lots of practice.

My kids help me find self-compassion, and I teach them to learn it, too. I’m learning to extend to myself the same grace I offer them in the face of a mistake.

Now that they’re teens, I’m very open with them about my journey of self-discovery, hoping that they’ll enjoy their own fascinating journeys. Together, we talk about defining success for ourselves, and aiming for progress over perfection. I’m working hard to be brave and vulnerable so that my kids can grow into strong self-advocates.

For me, having ADHD makes motherhood a bit tougher. But that doesn’t mean the journey is any less sweet or rewarding. If anything, it means it’s an endless source of learning and growth for all of us — especially me.