I’m not dysfunctional. My ADHD brain just functions differently.

I’ve been in hotels a lot lately as I attempt a thru hike of the almost 2,200-mile Appalachian Trail. One of my favorite things to do in a hotel is to watch home improvement networks.

I love the homes staged for sale with their pristine couches and knickknacks placed just so. I love seeing the end results of a renovation where a home transforms into something (seemingly) perfect.

Some part of me has always fantasized about having one of those magazine-ready living spaces. I used to especially focus on the idea of a home that’s well-organized with all clutter tucked away — out of sight.

I know that this level of organization isn’t realistic even for a lot of neurotypical people with jobs, pets, and/or families. But after my ADHD diagnosis, I came to realize something: I’ve spent a good portion of my life being stressed out about failing to follow the standards of a world that wasn’t built for me.

This also came with a freeing journey of letting go and leaning into my brain and how it works. With ADHD, I know that if I try to keep things too neatly organized, I’m going to fail and get frustrated. My diagnosis allowed me to let go and see that I simply need different systems to function. And that’s OK.

For instance, instead of all clutter being tucked into hidden spaces, I know open bins, shelves, and baskets are far more functional for me. Hidden places mean extra steps, and that makes the task more daunting for my ADHD brain. An open bin is a simple one-and-done toss.

By leaning in to my brain instead of fighting it, I’m able to achieve some level of functional organization. It will never be magazine-perfect and there’s still some clutter, but it’s better and it works.

I think that’s the key to living with ADHD — finding what works instead of fighting to be someone else.

This extends to everything in my life. I know I’ll never be the kind of person who can spend a day cleaning every weekend, so I find other ways: setting a nightly timer and doing something for 15 minutes, gamifying chores by making task coins I can drop into a jar for maximum satisfaction, or video calling a friend so we can use the mirroring technique.

I know I’ll probably always hate folding laundry, so I focus on getting my work clothes on a hanger (because I also hate ironing). And if the other clean clothes sit in a basket for a few days or even until I wear them, that’s OK. They’re still clean and off the floor.

It’s a struggle to live in a demanding world that tells us we’re lazy failures if we can’t achieve X or do Y easily. I struggled for years, and it’s a struggle that’s hard to explain to others who don’t understand it. But there’s freedom in letting go and leaning in to my ADHD and how my brain functions. I’m relieved my diagnosis has finally given me the space to do that.