My ADHD son’s thanks helped me reach a turning point

I’ve spent the past 10 years helping my ADHD son, so I know firsthand how challenging, sometimes overwhelming, and seemingly thankless it can be. That was until my son said to me on his last day of high school, “Thanks for getting me through school, Mom.”

His appreciation made my heart melt. The battles over homework, failing grades, and cleaning up his room were suddenly unimportant. The countless emails I sent to teachers, the years of parent-teacher conferences, and the worrying about his performance in school were irrelevant. All of those things no longer defined my journey as a parent raising a son with ADHD.

Climbing the mountain of preconceived notions

I remember reading an article on ADHD where the author equated completing a task with ADHD to writing cursive using your non-dominant hand while one of your feet was moving in circles and other one was moving side to side, and your dominant hand was tapping your head. How do you understand, and help, someone like that?

Throughout school, my son has had teachers who were concerned about him falling behind since he had a diagnosis of ADHD — despite him winning awards for academic excellence.

Children with ADHD are often viewed negatively by their peers. Inattention is mistaken as shyness, and withdrawal results in decreased peer acceptance. I recall my son saying to me when he was in eighth grade that he was not included in an online group chat created by one of the kids in his class because he was the “weird kid.” As his parent, my son’s comment about himself was heartbreaking.

Would my son do well in school? Be understood and accepted? Sometimes it felt like I was running up an escalator that was going down, getting nowhere.

Reaching the top and coming down the other side

Over the past 10 years, one of my most important roles has been to advocate for my son. And to teach him to advocate for himself. I know my son is more capable than his performance sometimes reflects. I know he can succeed if his teachers, peers, and coaches understand his ADHD, how he learns, and what his strengths and weaknesses are.

I refused to give up on helping him.

My persistence, and his, paid off. My son managed to steadily increase his grades in high school and got accepted into his top college choice. Over the past year, I’ve seen him take more responsibility — even for things that are mundane or boring for his ADHD brain. And he’s thriving.

My son’s show of gratitude on his last day of high school was one of my biggest rewards. But even without his thanks, I would do it all over again.