5 Important Life Lessons to Learn Sooner Rather Than Later

A few years ago I watched a documentary called Three Identical Strangers. It was about 3 men that had been separated at birth and only discovered that they were triplets at the peak of adolescence. They had each been placed with families from different social positions and had been studied. It was only when they had gone to college and sort of just ran into each other that they discovered their history. Sadly, a few years later, one of them committed suicide. His father was strict and regimental, but when speaking about his son’s death he said, “I wonder what I forgot to teach him”.

That stayed with me. Last week, my gran passed away and while they read her eulogy and spoke about what she had taught them, I thought about what Ed’s father said. In a bid to remember that and to help you in future, I thought it best to share 5 lessons I think are important to learn sooner rather than later. Bear in mind that I am only 24-years-old and somewhat fickle. Now, armed with that pinch of salt, dear Eden, you should learn how to:

1. Love

By now, since you can read, you have probably heard a gazillion songs about love. Unfortunately, what the entertainment industry sells you is not love — so do not buy it as your only source of nourishment. You will consume it and be left empty and confused.

There are many kinds of love — agape, eros, philos — Google can tell you a whole lot more. What’s important is that you learn how to define love and to find the true source of love. All good love comes from one source: God. Love is patient, kind, gentle, slow to anger, sacrificial, not boastful, not proud and it is not self-seeking. What a long list, right? When I was younger my parents told me this frequently and I rolled my eyes. I have come to appreciate that only once you accept that your love will never be perfect and that you need to pursue His perfect love before all else, will you be able to love the people around you. Whether you want to love affectionately, romantically or even professionally, that empty feeling will never go away until you learn to accept the love that has been given to you sacrificially on the cross.

Now, if you are still of the opinion that Christianity and my belief in God is backward, uneducated and so on, please refer to thoughts on theory — I have written a few responses to theorist there and I will keep adding to it as I gain the vocabulary needed to adequately express my thoughts. For now, know that to love yourself and others, you need to accept a greater, perfect love.

2. Share

There is great joy in giving. Be generous with your time, your prayers, your thoughts — all of it. To be clear, I am not saying be reckless. I am encouraging you to live on purpose and to be open with those that you love deeply and to be kind with those you do not know intimately. Sharing kindness, your knowledge and passions are a blessing. I am a bit of a hypocrite in this regard, but I am sincerely trying to open up my heart and share what I have been blessed with, with others. The world is not kind. It can be cold and lonely, but we have been tasked to be different and to live counter-culturally. You can only share if you have a sustaining love, luckily it is readily available to those who pursue it.

3. Grieve

There is a misconception that grief is solely reserved for those who have lost a loved one. This is not true. You may grieve the loss of a friendship or even a failed exam. It is not a closed list.

When I failed my first year at University, I was distraught for a number of reasons. I mostly grieved the plethora of dreams I no longer wanted, friendships that concluded abruptly or painfully and I also grieved who I was. I felt that I had to grow up all too quickly that year. Dramatic right? No. It is not. Through therapy I learned that grief is subjective and understanding that the grieving process is one that needs to be followed whenever needs be will aid you greatly.

I am not suggesting that you wallow in your disappointments or that you allow your dreams to swallow you up whole, instead I am encouraging you to seek support whenever you need it. Please — I cannot stress this enough — go to therapy, read about grief and experience it fully. Never hide from your feelings. Do not be afraid to share them with those you trust, because when you bottle things up and keep them locked up in the attics of your mind you will find that they become bigger rooms that haunt your once peaceful home.

4. Be Consistent

For now, this lesson will have to take the form of a warning as opposed to a slightly salty drop of wisdom. I say this as I am yet to get the hang of this and sincerely hope that you do not find yourself in the same predicament as I do.

Consistency is important in all spheres of life. Your professional, academic career will suffer greatly until you learn to do the work every day at a steady pace. Unfortunately, a few late nights will save your term grade and will be sufficient to pass, but insufficient to excel and achieve the greatness you are capable of. You will be left gasping for air, sleep deprived and moody or you will be left comfortable with mediocrity — both will leave you wanting. I say this with unwatched lecture videos glaring at me.

Inconsistency damages relationships too. I have found that friendships do not require acts of grandeur, instead they require a steady hand who reaches out timeously and frequently. It is not enough to be made up of good intentions, you have to do something with them, purposefully. This is not easy at all. I have at least 50 unread texts right now, some of which were received more than 2 weeks ago — the guilt I feel is mountainous. Letting people know that they belong by your side, consciously and subconsciously takes work. Friendships and family do not happen accidentally — they require consistent work, like all love does.

5. Practice Gratitude

Marie Kondo, an international organising consultant, encourages her clients to thank their items before discarding them. I saw this on her Netflix show and initially thought, “Okay relax Marie! My pile of unworn freebie T-shirts and I are doing just fine, thank you.” I recently learnt that Marie Kondo and therapy had a few things in common — wild.

Marie Kondo aside, you need to express gratitude. Doing so makes you aware of the condition of you heart and provides an opportunity to reflect on your circumstances. Being aware of the things and people you value can help to place your life into perspective.

This may sound a little pretentious, but considering your life objectively, saying “thank you”, writing thank you texts when you are grateful and acknowledging kindness when you experience it, can help ease your load significantly. It will help you to be aware of the grace you have been given and to be consistent with the people and the things you have been entrusted with.

Love, sharing, grief, consistency and gratitude are all interconnected. They cannot be separated from each other, doing so is futile and threatens to lower their value. Approaching these 5 lessons holistically and sincerely can help you live fruitfully. For now, if you are experiencing life in between these lessons, know that wisdom is freely available to those who seek it. Everything can be taught, you need only be willing to learn.