We All Just Want To Be Seen, Known, and Loved
What Valentine’s Day is missing and how we can make it better
As I was tapping through my friends’ Instagram stories, one friend, who happens to be single said that this Valentine’s Day she wanted the focus to be on people being seen, known ,and loved. When she said that it really stuck with me just because I saw that she wasn’t buying into the shallow message of love that often comes with celebrating Valentine’s Day, but she was digging into a deeper longing we all have across all the meaningful relationships we’re engaged in. I knew she was tapping into something much bigger than chocolate hearts and expensive dates, and I began to see how deep and wide her approach to love could go. Being seen and known and loved is the essence of what we’re trying to celebrate and these are things we all need whether we’re in a committed relationship or not.
Valentine’s Day has two reputations. One is a beloved holiday where couples go the extra mile to show how much they love each other with cards, flowers, candy, jewelry, and expensive dinner. Some people go as far as proposing on Valentine’s Day. The other reputation is the annoying holiday where couples show off on social media and single people are left to stand on the sidelines, and overemphasize how single they are while everyone has a great time being in a relationship. I’m not immune to it. I’ve jumped on on the “forever single” memes too, but all jokes aside, the things we’re constantly being exposed to begin to shape how we see ourselves, our we see others, and in this situation particularly, what we think what love is.
While Valentine’s Day presents some with the opportunity to shower their significant others in acts of love, it also presents opportunities for people to feel invisible, unimportant , and hopeless in light of their current situation. These negative effects of a culturally specific holiday can leave people feeling anxious, lonely, and even depressed. The truth is, the way our society talks about love right now is a shallow interpretation of the the real thing. If we go deeper, to understand that love is more than giving lavish gifts, or indulging in things we desire, than we can capture a kind of love that leaves more people feeling cared for.
I think there are already some great ideas out there that exemplify this kind of love that stretches beyond comfort, out of the shallows, into the deep, and pulls more people out of isolation. So with that said, how do we celebrate Valentine’s Day being happy for those who are in relationships while also showing love to our friends who aren’t? Here are some ideas:
Galentine’s Day
We have to give a big thank you to Parks & Rec for making this a thing. Galentine’s Day isn’t necessarily a replacement for Valentine’s Day (Galentine’s Day is unofficially celebrated on Feb. 13th), but rather a day for women to get together with their friends and show their love for each other. There’s still candy, and gifts, and probably brunch, but it’s a great way to have everyone feel included in the holiday, single or taken.
Guylentine’s Day?
It’s not actually a thing (hence the question mark), but it can be. Men getting together and just enjoying each other’s company is something the world needs more of. Go shoot guns, shoot some hoops, go on a hike, grill some food, play video games, board games, or you could go to brunch too. Brunch is a delicious. I like brunch. As a guy, I think it’s esepecially important for men to find ways to grow in their friendships. Spending time with people, getting to know a person’s story, sharing weaknesses and dreams. All of this is helpful for our relationship building.
Random Act of Kindness
One of the nicest things you can do is a random act of kindness for someone. It’s so unexpected and can brighten up a person’s day in an instant. If you’re going through a drive-thru, offer to pay for the next person’s meal. Compliment people throughout the day, or hand out flowers to random people. A lot of this pertains to strangers, but that’s okay because now their outlook on humanity just got better.
Love on Family
Consider taking some time to hang out with family if they’re nearby. Bake with mom, go workout with a cousin, go to the park with your nephew. Life is often super busy so it might be helpful to think of Valentine’s Day or the days around Valentine’s Day to show intentional love to family members.
Send a Message
In elementary school, when it was Valentine’s Day, you had to bring cards and candy for everyone. It felt nice to get a Power Rangers Valentine’s Day card with my name on it. Yes, we’ve gotten older and don’t expect to get cards from everyone, but a simple card thanking someone for their friendship or a text reminding people you love them could go a long way.
The thing I want to highlight is the importance of showing people that romantic relationships isn’t where love stops.Love, real love at least, sees, knows, and still loves imperfect people. Yes, there is a specific purpose for Valentine’s Day and it’s fine to celebrate it the traditional way. What I’m attempting to do here is open up the parameters to love so it can go more places and touch more people. Love isn’t limited to romantic relationships; it traverses into all kinds of relationships to make people feel seen and known and loved. We can be a part of that. We can make how we celebrate this holiday so much more.
