Why You’re Not Asking Your Friends For Enough
You owe it to yourself and to your friends to depend on them a little more.
Our culture has caused us to adopt the predisposition of independence. It has done so by putting great value on self-sufficiency. One of the most prominent sayings in our culture is as follows: “If you want something done right, do it yourself.” We are often left to our own vices when it comes to solving problems or overcoming adversities. It’s almost shameful sometimes to admit that you need assistance because you should be able to handle it on your own. I mean, you’re not a baby, right? In fact you’re a consenting adult with access to resources like self-help books and the internet. Why would you need to rely on anyone if you can figure it out yourself? This kind of thinking is what placed each and every one of us on our metaphorical islands where we distance ourselves from the rest of society. We are indeed neighbors, but we put up fences.
I am NOT knocking down the nature of independence. It is a good thing that we can hold our own jobs, buy our own food and pay our own bills. There very much is value in independence, but there is even more value in interdependence.
Through my experiences I have compiled five reasons for why I think you should ask your friends for more and maybe let go of some of your self dependence.
1. Strong relationships are those where the people involved are dependent on one another. Codependency is a part of nature. Nothing grows nor continues without the contribution of some other thing. For us humans we might relate to marriage, a pregnant mom, or that friend who lets you borrow their scientific calculator because the one you ordered on Amazon still hasn't arrived.
2. It gives your friends an opportunity to show their appreciation for you. They’re called your friends for a reason, and those who truly appreciate you will respond accordingly. You know you've picked the right ones when you can ask them to do you favors without feeling any pressure to reciprocate the action. Just realize that it would benefit you to also be a good friend.
3. Your friends want to do more for you, but sometimes you have to ask them because they don’t want to overstep boundaries. This is especially applicable to men where the idea of independence has been a historical theme. Guys, don’t let your pride get in the way of developing a great friendship with your other guy friends. Being macho is fine, but not at the expense of feeling like you have to be the lone wolf without a pack. Whether you’re male or female, you should consider disclosing your needs to the community of people around you. I sure as heck can’t read minds and I don’t expect anyone else to be able to do that either (unless you’re some type of super mutant or something). Let people know what your needs are. It could be moving out of a apartment, needing to vent about conflict, having people over to celebrate your birthday or shooting down the idea of watching a horror movie because they make you super anxious. You’d be surprised how willing people are to accommodate.
4. It’ll make you more appreciative of your friends. When you’re dependent on your friends and you see them come through and really go above and beyond the call of duty, you’ll gain deeper appreciation for them. This is important because when you do have those disagreements down the road, your friendship won’t be so easily broken. That’s how healthy friendships work.
5. You’ll become more involved in each other’s lives and create a bond that extends past basic friendship. There’s no better way to connect with someone than to share with them what’s going on in your life. The defeats, the victories, the mundane, and the abnormal. It’s really an investment you’re making with a “bond” that is not of the financial sort, but still really important.
Bonus: By being a good friend to you, they’ll learn how to be good friends to others.
I found this quote by Gandhi that is almost identical to the message I wanted to get across. He says,
“Interdependence is and ought to be as much the ideal of man as self-sufficiency. Man is a social being.” -Mahatma Gandhi
We aren't made to handle things on our own, and luckily we have friends who we can ask to assist us in life. Don’t feel like you’re being a burden to another person when you ask for something. In reality you’re just carrying out what you were created to do. Let’s join our islands, tear down our fences and depend on one another like we were created to do.
