Clients from Hell: Brief Practical Guidelines

How to avoid development hell in advance, put an end to counterproductive communication, and deal with ongoing chaos

It’s safe to bet that each company or freelancer has met this breed of customers at least a few times over their career. Whether it was a seemingly easy task that soon got inflated like Betelgeuse or a major project that got dead stuck in what is known as development hell, the circumstances seem almost identical: things don’t get green light, new tasks pop up everywhere, and the customer is very unhappy.

This feature hopefully will shed some light on that matter and give some answers to the accursed question everyone asks themselves in this sort of situation: god, why?

Signs of a client from hell

Here’s how you can tell that your client is indeed a hellraiser and has come to eat up your immortal soul.

1. They don’t give you any specifics as to what to do.
2. They are in no haste to provide you with the data you requested.
3. It takes them ages to reply to your questions or approve your work.
4. They go all nitpicking over and over again.
5. They don’t hesitate to make personal remarks.
6. They are unwilling to consider your point of view or listen to your opinion.

While it’s easy to say that it’s just hellfire talking in them and there’s not much to do about it, actually there is. Except for the cases where your client is truly a Belzebub or at least an arrogant jerk, those problems stem from your own failure to understand what they want and why they want it.

So, here’s what you can do if something of the aforementioned happens to you and your project.

The client doesn’t give you specifics and is slow to respond

The reason for that is fairly simple and equally sad: the client isn’t really interested in what you do. Whatever your project is, the client just doesn’t consider it really necessary. It’s not a matter of life and death. It’s not something they will have on their mind at 3 AM. And for them, it’s nothing to write home about.

In a word, they don’t give you specifics because they have no idea what they are. And frankly, my dear, they don’t give a damn. Your work is not a top priority.

What they really want from you is to do something. They’re interested in the results. And that’s exactly what you should give them. Have an agreement with the client that states you are fully autonomous in decision-making and production, and only need them to approve your final product. The only other option is to terminate your project completely and go full vae victis over its remains.

Don’t hesitate to ask your future client questions before you go into agreement. If you feel that the project isn’t their top priority, feel free to decline or to request full autonomy, whichever fits you most. Either option is much better than being stuck in development hell for months or even years.

The client nitpicks all the time and makes personal remarks

Either symptom is a result of a terrible miscommunication. Here are some of the possible reasons for that:

• You did something that your client construed as disrespect.
• Your contact person tries to make themselves look needed and show their superiors they actually do something.
• They have some problems unrelated to your project and just take it out on you.
• You have misunderstood each other long ago and expect different things from the project.
• Your client is just a jerk. It happens, too.

So, without further ado, here’s what you can do about it.

• They think you disrespect them: calmly ask them is anything wrong, rectify the possible misunderstanding, and apologize if you’re at fault.
• They show off before their superiors: contact their superiors and ask them to assign a different contact person. Get ready to prove your point if necessary. It’s not your problem that they’re lusting after career success.
• They take it out on you: give them a positive example of leaving emotional luggage outside. Before a meeting or a conference call just say you have some problems that might affect your behavior. Don’t ask them to share their problems. Having heard you being honest and caring, they most likely will share them on their own volition. Even if they don’t, you’ll show that you’re all human beings and that will decrease the tension at least a little.
• There’s been a misunderstanding: if you suspect that’s the case, stop the work and start asking questions. Rectify your own concept of the project accordingly.
• The client’s a jerk: you can’t help it anyway, so either get ready to keep on suffering or consider terminating the project.

The client doesn’t listen to your opinion

You’re a professional, right? That’s why they hired you in the first place. So if the client ignores your expertise and opinions, there are just three most likely reasons for that:

• They don’t trust you.
• They think they are superior to you in some way.
• They’re just being jerks. Again.

The biggest problem here is possible distrust. Unless they’re paranoid nutcases in tinfoil hats, it’s very likely that you have done something that made them seriously doubt you and your professional abilities. It doesn’t necessarily mean you actually lack said abilities or did something suspicious. The thing is that they perceived it that way.

Everyone makes mistakes, we’re all human. If you believe that the client doesn’t trust your opinion, you should at least find out why. And once you know it, make sure to make as many amends as humanly possible.

If they think they’re better than you, you should ask yourself: why did they hire you then? Wouldn’t it be easier (and cheaper) for them to do it all on their own if they are allegedly good at that? Or maybe your work requires certain actions they are unwilling to take, or some expertise that they lack in your opinion? If so, just calmly explain the specifics of your work to them. Make them understand that you know what you’re doing and you’re good at that. They have to feel that hiring you wasn’t like throwing money out of a helicopter.

And again, if they played the jerk card, your two basic options are to suffer and to quit. Choosing between them solely relies on your own interest in the project, your financial obligations, and whether you are a masochist. I’m not judging. Or I do. Whichever makes you happier.

Final remarks

If you want your project to be a success and your client to be happy, here are some important notions you should heed. They are all based on our experience and we had to go through a few dramas to truly comprehend them. But for you, here they are, for free.

• Make sure your client really wants and needs the project done. Avoid projects they start just for the sake of doing something.
• Don’t hesitate to ask as many questions as you can come up with before signing any contract. That way you will understand the scope of your work, the extent of your client’s actual interest in it, and how much you can ask them to pay.
• If you feel that your client isn’t much interested in your project, ask them for full autonomy in your operations. This would benefit both parties.
• Calling it quits isn’t a death sentence. You’ll have another client after all. Plus it’s way more productive than spending eternity in development hell.
• Most importantly: understand what’s your use for the client and always keep it in mind. The client is not your friend, your weird uncle, or your pet. You exchange your usefulness for their money, and that’s the core of your relationship. Unless they feel you’re useful to them, they will mutate into dementors that suck all the joy from your life.

Or, if I were to put it in a shorter form:

• Know what your client really wants.
• Know how you can help them.
• Respect them and yourself.

That’s all for today. Stay tuned.