Flirting with Our Spirit
Transcending common views of self-care in favor of self-intimacy.
Meditation is a powerful tool. It has graduated from esoteric practice at the fringe of society to mainstream acceptance. Just last march, there was an article in the Harvard Business Review saying that leaders need meditation now more than ever.
But much of what I read about meditation leaves me wanting. We often misplace our motives around meditation, and this misunderstanding leads to a massive missed opportunity. I’ve struggled to put into words exactly what that is and then I was reading the book Practical Mysticism by Evelyn Underhill last night, and she said it so perfectly:
“[C]ontemplation is an act of love, the wooing, not the critical study, of Divine Reality.”
There are different schools of thought on meditation and mindfulness, and probably the most common is merely raising our awareness by focusing on breathing. Much of this comes from traditions that advocate the silencing the mind of thought.
I understand its value, especially in today’s world, where most of us are anxiously overthinking our ways through our day. Still, as a byproduct of this practice, we are losing sight of the real value of meditation, which is born out by the way we look at self-care.
I often ask people what self-care means to them and what their practices look like, and while I think the sentiment is in the right place, I can see the heart of what they are doing is missing. Caring for ourselves in the sense of the doing of things to take care of ourselves, is very different than caring for ourselves in the sense of valuing and appreciating ourselves for who we are. Which, I would argue, is where the actual value lies.
Imagine a person buying flowers for their spouse. In one case, let’s imagine someone doing so because they feel like they are supposed to or hoping it will keep their spouse calm or stop them from getting upset. On the other hand, let’s imagine the person stops on their way home from work to buy a bouquet for their spouse overwhelmed by the sheer appreciation.
Underhill’s view of meditation is not trying to control some outcome by doing the right things; it is passionately embracing deep intimacy with our selves. It’s flirting and falling in love with the deepest, most real part of your self — your spirit. By nature, a wildly emotional event. Not merely a ridding the mind of thought, but a plunging shamelessly into the emotions. She continues,
“It is an eager outpouring of ourselves towards a Somewhat Other for which we feel a passion of desire; a seeking, touching, and tasting, not a considering and analysing, of the beautiful and true wherever found.”
Meditation or contemplation, or just taking quiet time for ourselves where we intentionally choose to say no to distractions and preoccupations, is especially vital in today’s world — even more so when you add something like coronavirus in the mix. It allows us to take a deep breath and reset rather than being caught emotionally reacting from one moment to the next.
But as a practice of self-care, we should want more for ourselves than acts of care without feelings of caring. We should tell ourselves we are worth getting to know. We are worth courting and wooing. We should flirt with our spirit falling ever deeper in love with every piece of truth and beauty that we find.
Damien Foord is an Air Force veteran and creative entrepreneur that has advised hundreds of brands in Silicon Valley, including LinkedIn, Tesla, Adobe, and many more. He is a cofounder of Prismonde, applying cognitive science to business strategy and brand development and speaks on organizational identity and human-centered innovation.
