Bypass the Gatekeepers: Informed Consent Transitioning

Chris Hedges
Dec 5, 2019 · 4 min read

You can transition when you decide you want to transition

Photo by Gary Bendig on Unsplash

When I was ready to transition using hormone replacement therapy, I remember a friend asking if I had gotten a letter from my psychiatrist.

I had spent too many years gatekeeping myself.

I said no I hadn’t, even though I spoke with my psychiatrist about my plans and she was okay with them. I didn’t need a letter from anyone to transition.

Implied consent removes the gatekeeper

I didn’t need to go through gatekeeping to start transitioning.

I had spent too many years gatekeeping myself.

I have felt like I didn’t fit in since I was young. I knew I liked feminine things when I was four or five years old.

Since I’ve started transitioning, I’ve felt at greater peace.
It is because I’m finally becoming integrated with myself.
I can be who I am.

It took me 40 years to come to this decision

I crossdressed when I was in middle school.

It was always in secret.

Back in the 1980s, crossdressing wasn’t socially acceptable yet. In the turbulent times of middle school when I was dressing up alone after school, all I wanted to do was fit in with the crowd.

The last thing I wanted to do was stand out.

I was already getting comments about needing to wear a bra from class bullies. I would never do anything to give them more ammunition to make me feel like an outsider.

So, I dressed up in secret until I was older.

After I got divorced, I was finally free to express myself. My ex-wife didn’t like me to dress up. She said she didn’t like me looking like a woman. She thought it would embarrass her if her friends found out.

Finally free to make my own decisions

I have been in counseling for anxiety and depression for years.

Counseling has been one of the best things I’ve done in my life. It has given me tools to work through my traumas and issues. We all have traumas and have caused traumas. Counseling has given me a way to become a better person as I learn to love myself.

The pain wasn’t bad. I just felt overcome with emotions. I was thinking about my trans woman friend who suggested I get laser treatments. I was so happy that I was finally taking action that made me feel whole. I felt like I was shedding my old skin and transforming into something new.

Loving myself means I can love others as well

Since I’ve started transitioning, I’ve felt at greater peace.

It is because I’m finally becoming integrated with myself.

I can be who I am.

It hasn’t been without struggle.

I have some friends who act confused. They seem to think it’s a phase.

They will come around as the see I am the same person I have been. I’m just an improved version of myself.

I’m more in touch with my emotions

I’m about a month into my HRT.

I can already feel the difference.

I think I can see little changes in my body, but it’s still really early.

When I was fully in guy mode in my earlier life, I would have tried to avoid my feelings. I would have distracted myself. I would have done anything to not confront my emotions. I wouldn’t have wanted to appear weak.

I’m also getting laser hair removal on my face and chest.

I’m changing a little bit day by day.

When I was at my last hair removal treatment, I started crying.

The pain wasn’t bad. I just felt overcome with emotions. I was thinking about my trans woman friend who suggested I get laser treatments for my face. I was happy that I was finally taking action that made me feel whole. I felt like I was shedding my old skin and transforming into something new.

Crying is powerful medicine

I was powerful to cry and feel my emotions for the first time with estrogen in my system.

I apologized to the hair removal specialist so that she knew it wasn’t her. I explained I was just feeling intense emotions and crying was helping me to experience them.

I cried as I was driving home.

It felt good to feel joy and sadness at the same time.

When I was fully in guy mode in my earlier life, I would have tried to avoid my feelings. I would have distracted myself. I would have done anything to not confront my emotions. I wouldn’t have wanted to appear weak.

As the tears ran down my cheeks, I felt peace.

I knew everything was going to be great.

I was right where I needed to be in my journey.

I am growing as a person.

It’s a great feeling.

Chris Hedges

Written by

I 💗 you! Erotica/Poetry/Sci-Fi/Fiction. NB/ transfem 🏳️‍🌈 ⚧️ Great reads: 96c.co/chris/favorites/

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