Is Love without Conditions Healthy
Being loved as a child without conditions is the cause of most failed relationships, work and personal, as an adult. Life has conditions
Love without conditions is not healthy. There has to be respect, defined rules, and underlined boundaries applied to any successful relationship. When children are not disciplined and held accountable, as an adult, they find it challenging to be disciplined and hold themselves accountable. Are you a codependent parent?
Parent-child codependency can be emotionally abusive. Please read my article, “Mothers care more about what their children think of them, while the children care more about what their father thinks of them.” If this is the case, the child learns that their feelings and needs are important and never has the chance to develop their personality.
Codependent parents may have a hard time disciplining their children. Fearful that their child will reject them, they choose to let them break the boundaries they set up. In these cases, the parent prefers to endure disrespect rather than risk trying to enforce limitations and making their child angry.
A Codependent parent is one whose self-esteem is tied to their child.
Codependent parents often have low-self esteem. Their self-esteem is dependent on if their child is happy with them. And if their child is troubled, they’re disturbed. While it’s normal for a parent to have hopes and dreams for their child, codependent parents take things a step further; They expect their child to live their life and achieve the goals that they fell short of.
A codependent parents' first reaction is immediate denial. If you immediately see red when someone suggests that you may be a codependent parent, there’s a good possibility they’re on to something. Why is that? Denial is a defense mechanism that protects you from painful or threatening thoughts, feelings, and information. If your relationship with your child is on track, you’re less likely to feel threatened by someone suggesting something wrong. The saddest part about denial is that it will stop you from seeking help.
Sometimes, a parent may resent it when their partner insists the child follow the rules. For example, Dad may get angry with Mom for standing in the way of him trying to enforce discipline, order, and accountability, knowing it is best. The conditions a father requires are the tools needed to survive in life. A father’s perspective of the world and the world’s perspective of him is totally different than that of a mother’s perspective of the world and the world of her.
Remember when mothers would say, wait until your father gets home? Then, we will straighten up like the shortest distance from point A to B. But, unfortunately, for most households in the U.S., those days are long gone.
How parent-child codependency hurts our children
Private prisons are government contractors. There’s a “bed guarantee,” where the government guarantees private prison companies over 90% occupancy in a contract. The contract states that if 90% of occupancy is not forefield, they must pay a fee. Citizens are punished when they commit crimes. The government is penalized if they don’t. The private prisons make their money either way. Prisons profit 74 billion dollars a year.
How can the government be so sure that many people will commit crimes? (Rhetorical question) In the U.S., single mothers run 70% to 80% of households. In addition, 70% to 80% of inmates come from single-mother families. Is it a coincidence that mothers are awarded custody of their children 90% of the time? I think not. Is single motherhood assisting the government in keeping its part of the contract?
The key to keeping our kids out of prison is the father.
A child will show their most authentic self and vulnerable emotions to the people they trust the most. Usually, it is their mother. If a child is always well-behaved, they don’t fully trust you; they fear you. This is typically the father. They fear what he would do to them if they showed their authentic self or vulnerable emotions. Many would call this respect. Some say it is a healthy fear. Neither would be wrong. I call it the fear of God.
An adolescent’s sense of identity is built through the choices and commitments that they make. When a codependent parent stifles the child’s ability to commit to their beliefs and values, the adolescent remains with a diffused identity and never forms their own. In addition, because parents are a child’s role models, children naturally pick up on their parent’s behaviors, including codependency.
I aim to end single parenting, especially single mothers, and start with men. God created man in his image. Mothers teach love. Fathers teach survival. Our children need them both. Ending single parenting will change the entire world for the betterment of humanity. We cannot change the system, but we can change our understanding of it and how it works against us.
Order a copy of, The Manual of Man, so that I may continue to grow the movement. Thanks ahead of time. I’m also a musician creating good fun inspiring music, an outlet from the horrific frequencies that our children love. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGfyeiP_0rc
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We are each other’s medicine. Until next time, give someone flowers while they can enjoy them.
