Conquer Your Self Doubt
SELF DOUBT IS a nasty plague among writers. Perhaps it is because writers work alone, or perhaps it is because writers tend to be perfectionists. All of that time spent in isolation with your thoughts and the inner workings of your subconscious can take a toll. Self doubt can become an ever present thorn in one’s foot.
I recently finished editing my second book, which is a collection of short stories for young readers. Once the editing was completed and the cover was designed, I ordered an author’s proof, and gave it a final review. I searched each and every page, and could not find a single typo or formatting error. After a few weeks of tinkering, I finally had a cover of which I was quite fond, as well.
But there was something in the back of my mind that would not stop nagging at me. This mysterious, invisible entity kept telling me that there was something horribly wrong with my book — something that I could not see. The book was too long. The book was too short. It contained too many stories. There were not enough stories. The writing was too complex for middle grade readers. The stories were too elementary for middle grade readers. Did I choose the correct font?
After a few days of misery and mental self-torture, I finally concluded that my book was just fine, and in fact, I was quite proud of the quality of stories that I had created out of thin air during the prior eight months. My goal had been to write a book that I would be excited to purchase if I were perusing the selves at a bookstore, and I concluded that I had accomplished my goal. Acknowledging that my new book may have one or two mistakes or typos tucked away somewhere does not exactly make me the Ed Wood of literature.
I eventually figured out that I had been paid a visit by the ultimate trickster — Self Doubt. This particular fellow lies and cheats like a timeshare salesman straight out of Glengarry Glen Ross. He deals cards from the bottom of the deck. He will steal your wallet, then help you look for it. With a friend like that, who needs enemies? If I had allowed Self Doubt to get the better of me, I would have never published a single story online or in print. So, I decided to stay the course with my book, and to release it later this year.
Perhaps the most valuable lesson I learned during this brief period of self-induced agony is that writers can never depend on other people to validate their work. I published my first book, a collection of short stories, in 2019. My father-in-law, who is a Stephen King fanatic, read my book and immediately declared me a genius. My mother-in-law, who spends her free time reading Chicken Soup For the Soul books, read just the first story in my book and became concerned that her daughter had married a psychopath.
Likewise, writers should never expect that any piece of work will ever be perfect. As we all know, there is no such thing as perfect.
There is no way that the writing process can ever be enjoyable or productive if a writer becomes obsessively caught up on every single sentence, paragraph and plot development. What is more important than perfectionism is that a writer keeps those fingers flying across the keyboard and keeps new stories coming, as quickly as they can be written. Authenticity is equally important. If you try to fake it and create a story that you are not really into yourself, your readers will know.
So, the next time Self Doubt gives you a call, turn off your phone, throw it in the drawer, and stay focused on your new story.
© J.S. Lender 2020
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