Are Single People the Real Grownups?

Singles parent themselves instead of finding another parent and marrying them

Photo by Alex McCarthy on Unsplash

One stereotype about single people is that they are just not as mature as married people. By this way of thinking, they aren’t really fully adult. Like so many other stereotypes of them, this one may well have it exactly wrong.

In a brilliant discussion on the Solo podcast, the second of two featuring sociologist Kinneret Lahad, Iris Schneider said:

“The difference between an adult and a child is that an adult is a good parent to themselves. Becoming an adult means that you don’t need your parents anymore because you can parent yourself, or you can stay as a child and find a new parent and marry them.”

Podcast host Peter McGraw remarked:

“In some ways, when a man marries, it allows him to remain childlike in a sense because his wife takes care of everything.”

The discussion continued:

“The reverse is true in a different sense: women marry a parent in the sense that they are not economically independent. The numbers are there, even in the Netherlands which is quite a progressive liberal country, maybe 50% of women are financially independent. I find that problematic, especially in light of divorce…