RELATIONSHIPS
Avoiding My Parents’ Marriage
Or how an ancient Chinese philosophy could save the world
My parents were unhappily married, at least by the time I came along. I was the fourth of five daughters, and my parents had been married for at least a decade by the time I was born. They didn’t have noisy fights, but I grew up aware of the coldness between them. When I was 12 or 13 and attending a friend’s birthday party, I still remember how shocked I was to see my friend’s father put his hand on her mother’s waist and pull her in close for a kiss. Parents do that?!?
My husband Mark’s parents were also unhappily married. When I began going over to their house, his mother, who was maybe 50 or 55 at the time, outright told me she was dating another man, considering divorcing Mark’s father. I don’t think that meant she was having extramarital sex, but it certainly meant that she was unhappy. I liked my father-in-law, who was funny and intelligent. I found him charming, but I wouldn’t have wanted to be married to him, either. He was a dyed-in-the-wool sexist, and expected his wife to serve and obey him. She often raised her voice at him, trying to get him to stand down or back off.
Now we come to my own marriage, which is also problematic. Mark and I have been married for 40 years, and we argue so…
