Claiming the Right To Be Scary
I Want To Be A Woman Beyond Men’s Ability To Control Me
I don’t actually think Tilda Swinton is ugly. I think men call women ugly when they find us scary. When we remind men of all the things they cannot control. I want to be a thing that men cannot control.
Today a man brought me groceries. I’m pretty sure this man is not just being nice. True, I am the ‘poor unfortunate’, in this case the ‘disabled girl’ and the ‘new girl,’ and he is the ‘brawny head of the student union’ of our college. True, he has every excuse to bring me groceries. Still, I think he would bring me groceries anyway, because he thinks I’m cute, and because I made sure he thinks I’m cute.
Today a man brought me groceries, then stopped short when he saw my apartment. Specifically, he stopped short when he saw the state of my apartment. My apartment, with its posters of pixies, fairies, and unicorns. My apartment, with its opened bags of pita chips and pretzels. Its pill bottles, proving that I am, in fact, you know. A Truly for Realsies sick person.
My apartment looks like a sick person lives here. My apartment looks like someone who is not always mentally well lives here.
There are hand lotions out, as though an actual factual girl lives here. Someone who takes care of her body, at…
