Clogged Drain
Every week, I heard my Gay Conversion Therapy counselor say,
“Just watch and pray —
Your homosexual friends may have led you astray,
But Jesus can take this sinful same sex attraction away!
“You can do this through Him! You can overcome this carnal SSA!”
Water trickled down my back
As I slumped in the shower day after day
My hips forgot how to sashay
As my very self was scraped
Painfully off, I watched the “nicks” spill blood as I shaved
Disgust dribbled along my spine
I left each shower feeling less clean than before
Left each counseling session feeling more impure
Fear flowed over my head
At the end of the twelve week Conversion Therapy program
(Guilt crammed
In every corner of my body, thinking to hell I was damned)
I slouched yet again in that shower
Cowering
Shame strutted in interminable lines
I noticed the water draining slower
So I investigated closer
I expected it to be clogged with
Matted pubic hair or
Soap scum or
Flannel fuzz
Instead
I saw silky shreds
Faded threads
(A material I vaguely recognized,
Something I remembered I used to prize)
Faintly glimmering in that congested drain
The fabric coarse with pain
I gently gathered it up into my palm, and realized
It was my
Self-worth.
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