Member-only story
I Don’t Think I Have to Leave My Husband to be a Good Feminist
And I don’t believe that I can (or want to) “have it all”
To be perfectly honest, I don’t have a great marriage. I’ve often called a friend to ask if I can come for a visit to get away from an unhappy atmosphere at home. I’ve started to leave my husband dozens of times. In simple terms, he’s hard to live with — often negative and critical. Even so, each time I get one foot out the door, when it comes down to the final moment, I change my mind. I stay.
This repetitive scenario causes me to question my decisions. Am I staying for the right reasons? Or am I just a chicken? Weak? Deluded? Wrong? Women across the internet are giving up on their romantic relationships, refusing to be bullied, sidelined, taken advantage of, belittled— standing up for themselves and women’s rights, and encouraging the rest of us to do the same.
And I’m in perfect agreement with these women. Those are my goals, too. But also, I’ve been around the block a few times. I’m 70 years old. I’ve personally seen divorces that didn’t work out that well in the long run. As one woman confided about her second husband, “I just traded one set of problems for another.” Nowhere out there, it seems, is the perfect partnership.
