I Was 4B Before It Became A Thing

I’ve spent nearly a decade decentering men. I’m glad to have more company.

Vena Moore
Fourth Wave

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Photo by Ashley Piszek on Unsplash

One of the best decisions I’ve made in my life is when I decided to stop dating.

The roots of my decision

I ended my last relationship nine years ago. After four years of celibacy, I dipped my toe back in the dating pool once and dipped right back out when the date revealed that he was a Trump supporter. As a Black woman, I didn’t have the luxury to ignore that revelation and continue the relationship as such a person was and is a threat to my safety.

Two years ago, I did develop a crush on someone but when he didn’t return the sentiment, I moved on and continued to live my best life with my family and friends — unlike some men who literally kill women for rejecting them, such as the one who recently murdered a young woman around two miles from where I live. Men are generally not conditioned to respect women’s autonomy and are taught to resort to violence to get their way. I have had little desire to be in a relationship since.

My decision to opt out of intimate relationships is often met with indifference, which I attribute to the fact that I am a middle-aged Black woman. Neither Black women or older women are deemed desirable by our…

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Vena Moore
Fourth Wave

Dismantling white, male supremacy one word at a time.