Loners Can Be Oblivious or Complicit — or They Can Be Healthy
People who are better off uncoupled do not always realize it
Author and advice columnist Dan Savage was asked this question by one of his readers: “Why do I say yes to dates if I love being alone?”
In his answer, Savage pointed to relentless social pressures, then described three kinds of loners:
“Because we’re constantly told — by our families, our entertainments, our faith traditions — that there’s something wrong with being alone. The healthiest loners shrug it off and don’t search for mates, the complicit loners play along and go through the motions of searching for mates, and the oblivious loners make themselves and others miserable by searching for and landing mates they never wanted.”
The first thing I appreciate about this answer is that Savage is using the word “loner” in the positive and accurate sense of the word. As Anneli Rufus told us in Party of One: The Loners’ Manifesto, loners are people who prefer to be alone. They haven’t been rejected or ostracized; they are on their own because they want to be.
Now let’s consider Savage’s three kinds of loners, in reverse order.
