Stay Strong My Fellow People with Disabilities
Family holiday visits, poor economic health, and disabilities do not play nice
Those of you who read my other two personal articles Toxic and Abusive Management and HR vs Sanction of Employees and What I Have Experienced and Learned as a Freelancer Thus Far, know I am a person with disabilities. I am also very transparent. Some of my problems are (and are not limited to) chronic migraines, depression, anxiety, PTSD, POTs, endometriosis, and restless legs/arms syndrome.
I have had these problems my whole life as well as other issues not mentioned. Luckily, in my senior year in high school, I adopted Tuffy. Tuffy is my Chuweenie/Spaniel mix who is now 13 years old and the absolute love of my life. He is also a medical necessity. He is trained for my emotional disabilities as well as a couple of my physical ones. However, he is due for retirement and has earned his relaxed, pet-only doggy life.
Enter: Peanut. Peanut is my labrabull puppy. He is going to be my new service and emotional support dog so Tuffy can relax and just be happy.
Now, this all happened suddenly. I thought I was going to have a full-time job still, so I got Peanut. A couple of days later, I had to leave because it was not a conducive and kind environment. The timing sucked. Particularly because Turkey Feast Day had just arrived and Christmas was coming up.
Fast forward to this week: I have already had to introduce him to a few of my health problems. He did extremely well, especially last night into this morning. My migraine has lasted 5 days this week. Sometimes, not all the time, it coincides with my period which has its own set of problems. Another problem is my partner’s mother.
She is nice; she has been more than helpful. The caveat to that, though, is she now feels entitled to control how we (specifically I) run our lives. She follows my bookstagram which I forgot she did and she saw my posts about Peanut. Controlling DMs ensued. She sent a WTF type message to which I shouldn't have to explain myself, but I did. I explained to her why I have Peanut. Apparently, this was not enough for her. Her ableism was showing.
I no longer feel welcome. I feel judged and attacked. I’m no longer interested in going over for Christmas, and this sentiment only gets fed more justification as my partner tells me his mom has texted him more about her displeasure and disapproval of me getting a new puppy. She messaged him after I explicitly told her he was a medical necessity.
It is almost like people forget that medical problems do not just disappear when financial or economic problems enter the playing field. It doesn't work that way. People with health problems and disabilities can’t hit the “snooze” button, or suspend subscriptions for X amount of months until they can afford care, medicine, or other needs to address their health issues and difficulties.
It isn’t just her. So many people are ableists in some form or another. It always rears its ugly, secretive head at the most inopportune times. Those happen to be holidays and during economic problems whether it is inflation, recession, or whatever else.
Why?
Somehow, people decide that the best time to pass judgment, rules of living your life according to them, and all other nonsense about how health and disabilities work is around these high-pressure situations and environments. As if our day-to-day lives are not difficult without being told:
“Just lose weight.”, “Take more vitamins.”, “Change your thinking and smile more.”, “You can afford your medication but not rent?”, and the list goes on about all the things people say. They’re so quick to tell us how simple it all is, or how we should live and make decisions, failing to understand that there is so much more to it than just a wave of a magical wand.
My partner’s mother’s message overall said: You’re financially struggling and poor so you don’t need a service dog. You’re fine taking risks for a medical emergency when out by yourself or home alone. You need to work and pull overtime and grin and bear it. Most of all, do it without the option and safety of a living being who would be there and guard you and alert someone that you need assistance. You should do it by yourself and alone.
This rhetoric is too commonly placed upon those of us with health problems and disabilities and it is harmful and hurtful.
Just let us live and do what we need to do to be safe and survive, for fucks sake.
What is the point of writing this? The point is, though I needed to vent, I also desperately need people who do not suffer health issues that are debilitating and constantly interrupting life and do not have classified disabilities of any kind to back off. What you can do, how you can live, and what you do not need is not the same for me, or anyone else with health-related issues and disabilities. And, for all that is holy, stop treating us like all of our disabilities display in the same way and that each of us experiences it all the same way. We don’t. We don’t look the same, we don’t act the same, and we don’t react the same. We might have similarities from person to person where we can go: “OMG, ME TOO!” but that is where those similarities end.
Not every person with these issues will need medication while others desperately do. Not every person will need constant therapeutic treatments and sessions, some might. Most might not need or want service animals. I do. I really do. I wish I didn’t, but I have been in so many situations without my service dog that put me in danger. There are so many nights where I wish I had a bigger dog than Tuffy to rest on my legs and arms because they won’t stop needing to move. The fainting and pain are the worst attacks, though.
Abled-bodied people need to shut up and stay in their lane because it is up to each individual what they need and those problems and solutions should not need defending. They should also remain solely between the person and their medical team.
Live your abled body life your way, but please stop trying to enforce it onto us. We can’t live like you and you have no right or training to offer unsolicited advice and opinions. Specifically, your opinions that cast ill-informed, prejudiced rules should cease, and if they can’t, move along.
Finally, remember, no matter the state of our economy, or a person’s specific financial situation, their health and disabilities do not just go on vacation, waiting until they’re financially stable again — they are unyielding, 24/7, 365.
Thank you.
For more of the good stuff, follow Fourth Wave. Have you got a story, essay, or poem that focuses on women or other disempowered groups? Submit to the Wave!
