Why Are Men so Rude?
A generalization but a question worth asking
First off, there are many pleasant, decent and tolerant men out there including my family members and grown sons who fill me with pride. This is not the rant of a “man-hating feminist”; rather, it is based on my personal experiences. A recent encounter with an angry guy at a public swimming pool got me thinking and I realized that the vast majority of unpleasant interactions I’ve had in my life were with men. Why is that? Why are men so rude?
Are men more naturally aggressive? Do they have a shorter fuse? Is it the competitive urge to win at all costs? Did their parents not teach them good manners and values like respect for others? Do men see women as easy targets they can push around because they are physically bigger and stronger? Do they have a culturally ingrained superiority complex? Is it blatant misogyny? Without getting into a debate about nature versus nurture, I think that it is a combination of all these factors.
By rude, I mean the guy who cuts in line at the store. A new cash register opens and he runs to it to get ahead of everybody else. Who cares about the next person waiting patiently in line? It’s survival of the fittest! Or the guy who lets the door slam in your face when you’re entering a building behind him because he doesn’t glance over his shoulder to see if anybody is there. Thanks. Or the guy who walks in the middle of the sidewalk so you have to practically step off the curb to get by him. Pick a lane, buddy!
That brings me to spatial orientation. Frankly, it is astounding the number of people who lack awareness of what position they occupy in relation to others even after two years of constantly being told to stay two metres or six feet apart. Social distancing has become part of the lexicon and is now required behaviour in public. To be oblivious to it during a global pandemic is not only inconsiderate but downright dangerous. Get with the program people!
In the workplace, men often monopolize the discussion in meetings and speak condescendingly to women. It happens so frequently that a new word was created: Mansplaining. Also, jumping in and interrupting a woman who is speaking is like second nature to many men both at work and in social settings. I don’t think they even realize they’re doing it unless they’re called out. The other tendency men have is to not even listen to a woman in the first place because subconsciously, she is not worthy of their respect or basic courtesy. It happens way too often.
Let’s not forget the other phenomenom given a new word: Manspreading. The best example is when a man takes up too much personal space by spreading his legs really wide while sitting on crowded public transit and the people beside him are squeezed in their seats. How nice.
The other day while out walking, I stepped out into a crosswalk at an intersection with a stop sign and the car approaching barely slowed down. The male driver clearly saw me then blew through the crosswalk and actually waved at me. Wow. I just shook my head in disgust and kept walking.
That leads me to road rage. Aggressive men in their big pick up trucks just love to cut women off. It happens all the time. I honestly believe that most men see a woman behind the wheel and just assume she is a lousy driver. Granted, there are lousy drivers of all descriptions on the road; one wonders how they ever passed their driver’s test. But aggressive driving seems to be a blood sport for many men. Is it that urge to win? Does the testosterone get flowing and makes them lose their minds behind the wheel? The car insurance industry knows that young men in particular take more risks, drive faster and get in accidents more frequently so they get charged the highest rates. Statistics don’t lie.
A few months ago, I was fortunate enough to take a trip south with a friend. I had fractured my foot a few weeks prior so I was wearing a boot air cast and the airline agent was settling me into a wheelchair as we joined the check-in line clummsily trying to manage our luggage as well. This middle aged man and his wife came along right after us and not only did the man invade our personal space during the time of COVID but he tried to manoeuvre his way in front of us. He was clearly impatient and to him, we were slow and annoying. My friend and I used our luggage as barriers to keep them away and held our ground. We ended up pre-boarding the flight since I was in a wheelchair so we won, mister! We got on the plane ahead of you!
Unfortunately, there are enough people out there who weren’t taught to behave properly in public or to mind their manners. It’s as if their parents never taught them The Golden Rule, i.e., treat others as you would like to be treated (my paraphrase). This includes using the magic words “please” and “thank you”, and showing consideration for others. As Cervantes said,
Nothing costs less, nor is cheaper, than the compliments of civility.
Most of us are anxious and frustrated with this ongoing pandemic but when civility is lost in our personal interactions, society will be in serious trouble. In light of the daily barrage of bad news and negativity on television and social media which can warp your world view, I remind myself that the majority of people are friendly, decent and tolerant. Look how the pandemic has brought out the best in people who have pulled together and helped each other through the challenges of the past two years. Although I am questioning why some men are rude, I actually don’t think it reflects how most people interact with each other in their communities and neighbourhoods. Unforunately, we tend to remember the bad apples we encounter and the negative stuff more vividly. It can get you down but one has to have faith in humanity.
When I was younger, if someone was rude to me I might have let it slide to avoid conflict. But I learned to speak up. I don’t care anymore and I’m old enough to say what I want. If people are standing too close to me these days I will ask them to please back up. On the road, I apply my car horn quite liberally when I’m cut off by some ignoramus behind the wheel.
What happened at the pool? Suffice it to say that I exchanged words with a guy swimming in the same lane then he took off with big kicks and splashes to emphasize how put out and annoyed he was. It was so childish as to be almost laughable. Then a couple of other guys redeemed my faith in men. They apologized on the angry man’s behalf, telling me that the jerk was stressed and not to worry about it. As Nemo the clownfish says, “Just keep swimming, keep swimming, keep swimming” and that’s what I did.
I don’t know all the reasons why some men are so rude and they certainly don’t have a monopoly on bad behaviour. Every one of us has had times when we know we should have kept our cool or watched our language. In my opinion, the world would be a better place if we all tried to abide by The Golden Rule ourselves and committed to teaching it to our children and grandchildren.
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