She Smothers me in Silence
She holds me from behind
In alluring whispers she tells me to keep smiling
And it’s hard not to
She is so kind to me when I’m out with her
And people love seeing us together
It’s like they can’t tell us apart anymore
They say I look calm and relaxed
And I scratch my elbow
She holds me back from showing them my scars
I smile and tell them I feel better now
She keeps me walking straight
Encourages my obsession in online games cause that way I don’t have to think about what’s going on in my head
And she stands so close to me
Her scent is everywhere and I can’t concentrate on the feeling of being alive
I just am
Constantly humming softly to a tune of a song that seems familiar to everyone but they can’t pin point
They don’t know I’m singing it off key and that it’s actually not a song at all
It’s just a clash of everything that I keep holding tight between my lips
But she smothers me with kisses
Promises me better
And I sit besides you feeling I already am but I can’t help to feel the blur in my vision
I already know I won’t be able to remember it all
And she keeps me walking
Takes me home
Helps me take off my book bag
But the weight in my shoulder doesn’t shift because she is constantly there with her legs around my waist and arms around my chest.
I wanna go to bed
I’m tired
But no matter what I say
She keeps me awake all night
Holding onto me
Suffocating me
And I wish I could scream but she smothers me with kisses
And she claws at my arm
The pain feels so good right now
My fingers pry to my phone
I want to text someone but she always gets jelouse
And I know it won’t make me feel better if someone knows what she does to me
I wish I could tell her that I’ve felt better before but she knows lies before I ever get them out through my teeth
Her presence is a constant reminder that things might never get better
Her voice is always in my head
The fact that she can’t see what other people see in me it’s only The confirmation of what I never was in the first place
Her hands pound at my head and she covers my mouth with her fingers
My lips are always chapped for a reason
She’s always there
And she stands so close to me
But in the mirror I never see her reflection

