That Rejection or Conflict You’re Dealing With Might Be A Good Thing
Why Embracing Rejection and Conflict Can Actually be a Good Thing
If you've decided to read this post then kudos to you. Believe me, I know how difficult it is to experience both rejection and conflict. For the most part we try to avoid these two things. It can look like choosing not to ask out that person who you think is way out of your league in fear of rejection, or apologizing after someone bumped into you so that you can bypass conflict.
(Confession: I've even bumped into a wall and apologized out of habit.)
No matter the reason, the two things are typically undesirables (unless you’re some abnormal being that thrives on them).
But what if we embraced these things?
Hear me out. Although rejection stings, it’s not the end all be all of your world. Funny thing is that you probably already knew that, in which case I’m just here to remind you. I was rejected from the University of Miami, I was rejected from working with an organization I admired, and I was just rejected from an internship in NYC.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't bothered by the rejections, but it kind of fueled me. I knew that I wanted to become a better version of myself. I needed a swift blow to the gut, a reality check that everything doesn't go as planned, that things just can’t be handed to me, that I’m not “all that and a bag of chips,” and I needed to work on my inefficiencies or rather the areas where I lacked in order to improve. Not all rejection should be responded with a change in self. You kind of have to decide whose critiques you’re going to learn from and which ones you can just brush off. If it’s a direct attack on your person and not your ability, it may not be worth your time.
Conflict is another tough pill to swallow. There are different kinds of conflict. The kind that is constructive and should be embraced is task-related conflict. The task can be specific to the workplace or trying to remove the barriers that hinder the progress in a friendship. The key to making conflict work for you is knowing how to do it well. A couple of things to consider:
- Give someone the benefit of the doubt. Don’t come in as the accuser.
- Have a dialogue, not a argument. Listen, talk, try to understand.
- Ask questions for clarity. Don’t assume you know or understand. Even if you’re a little unsure, ask.
- Be brave. Don’t be afraid to say those things that are pressing on your chest. Those are actually the best talking points.
- If you can’t agree on something, that’s fine. The addressing of the issues brings better understanding and if done right there is still a mutual respect between the parties involved.
I experienced serious conflict last year and I didn't really do any of the things I just listed. It was more arguing than anything. When you come into a discussion with a selfish agenda you will only cause strife. It’s much better to handle these things with a objective perspective. It no longer becomes “How can I win?” Instead it becomes “How can we move from this an be in a better place than we are now?”
What’s important here is to realize that voicing your concerns and raising some conflict doesn't automatically make you a burden. If anything it shows that you care about something because you’re willing to take the time to make things right.
Don’t be so quick to avoid rejection and conflict. If you only see them as being destructive then you may miss out on their ability to actually improve things.
