10 Easy Ways to Help Your Main Squeeze During the Big Squeeze

It’s a labor of love

Photo by John Looy on Unsplash

Standard tips on being a good birth partner can be so old-fashioned! Put a modern spin on supporting the baby’s big break with these fresh ideas.

1. Whether it’s the twilight sleep of the early 1900s or the modern-day epidural, mom gets plenty of good drugs during the delivery process. Dads, that means doctors will practically demand you to be sympathy tripping in the labor wing — make sure to pack the illicit substance of your choice in your “go bag.”
2. This one works best if mom’s labor has to be jump-started with a Foley balloon. In this case, the door is open for you to layer Foley art over the full labor and delivery process. Think flowing/gushing water sounds for all the fluids, creaky sounds for cervix dilation, tearing paper for the moment the baby’s head emerges — get creative! This will really break the tension during rough moments. We hear moms-to-be especially love when you sit on a whoopee cushion at the height of each contraction, calling it “my own Foley balloon!!”
3. Anyone can tell a soon-to-be mom she’s doing great as she weathers the labor process — so blasé! We recommend making your special day more memorable by hiding your thoughtful “push present” in your lady’s dilated cervix as soon as it passes 4 cm or so. (Small trophies and jewelry work great because of their size and durability.) She’ll never forget that special moment when the surprise gift emerges, just before your new bundle of joy.
4. Yell “wow, that’s a lot of poop!” to support mom as she bears down to push out the baby. You can also lighten the mood during the afterbirth by loudly and repeatedly asking “what’s that?!?”
5. So many people put bows on their newborn girls to accentuate their femininity, but little boys are sadly stripped of similar treatment. What’s the deal with that?! Don’t let this usual fate befall your new son — make sure that his take-home outfit screams “MAN!” in some way, lest onlookers offensively think him a girl. One of our favorite easy fixes is picking up a pint-sized utility jacket that declares “If you think my penis is big, you should see my dad’s!”
6. Most hospitals will require you to take your baby to the hospital exit in a car seat. Given this, a ploy that I personally think doesn’t get enough play is the old “oops…forgot the car seat!” routine. I recommend returning to the delivery wing at least four or five times with no car seat in hand for maximum laughs.
7. Partners can help treat the “baby blues” by handing a tissue to the mother every time she gets weepy. You can also visit a physician for the baby blues; the doctor will provide mom with medical-grade tissues because postpartum depression does not exist.
8. After a C-section, mom can’t lift anything that weighs more than the baby. That means she’ll need help from you — rig up complex pulley systems all around the house so that she can lift anything she wants, and you’ll never have to get up from watching the big game!
9. It’s a good idea for nursing moms to get lots of calcium to help with milk production. But if she runs out of multivitamins or your dairy stockpile runs low, don’t rush to the store — her body can naturally switch to using up the calcium stored in her bones for the same purpose.
10. The obstetrician will ask mom to abstain from sex for six weeks after birth. Be understanding and don’t demand nooky from your wife, but do seek it elsewhere (sisters-in-law and “work wives” are some of our favorites) — mom will understand.

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