Holidaze Humor
A Eulogy for Our Elf on the Shelf, Twinkle Sapphire Sparkle Moonbeam
Her decline was truly tragic
It is with some sadness that I announce the passing of our Elf on the Shelf Twinkle Sapphire Sparkle Moonbeam. Christmas can be a stressful time of year and it’s even more so for Santa’s little helpers. Being an Elf on the Shelf isn’t an easy calling. The hours are tough, the commute is even worse, and a diet that consists of nothing but processed sugar can wear on even the hardiest of souls.
Twinkle Sapphire Sparkle Moonbeam was a good Elf on the Shelf but the job began to take its inevitable toll. Looking back, the signs of her struggle were clear but neither my wife nor I understood what they meant. We were just too busy.
Twinkle’s decline began in typical fashion. During her first year with us, Twinkle began to have a drink of schnapps on her off hours to unwind. The closer we came to Christmas however, one peppermint schnapps turned into two and then two into seventeen and by the time the 25th came around Twinkle was hitting the Rumple Minze pretty hard.
100-proof schnapps became a gateway drug for Twinkle and, as the years passed, her behavior became more and more erratic. One morning we woke up and our dog had a candy cane in her rectum. A few days…
