A Preschooler’s Suggested Itinerary for Covid Exposure StayCation
Monday
7:30 am: As you try to enter daycare, Teacher Melissa stops you at the door, smiles weakly, and shakes her head. Enjoy the vocal stylings of your caretaker as they say “Really? The whole week?” in multiple octaves. Wave goodbye to Teacher Melissa while your caretaker keeps repeating, “What am I going to do?” under their breath with the cadence of the choo-choo in The Little Engine That Could. It sounds dire, but this is your lucky day! You’re the most recent winner of the Covid Exposure Staycation package!
7:35 am: Start your staycation with an energizing session of vigorous exercise in response to this sudden change of plans. Warm-up with a sprint to the car and begin a HIIT session of car seat avoidance by quickly switching from Octopus Noodle to Rigor Mortis over and over again. You’ll know you’ve worked hard enough when the vein in your caretaker’s forehead pops out like the timer in a turkey.
7:45 am: While your caretaker is distracted with simultaneously starting the drive home and calling the office, practice the new-to-you skill of unbuckling your car seat harness. These kinds of situations help refine your caretaker’s acting skills. Her eyebrows and finger-pointing say ANGRY, but her voice says “Sorry about this. Yes, I know there’s a deadline today. I’ll do my…