Humor | Satire | Parenting
A Rejection Letter From My Kid’s Sports Team Management App
This one stings
Dear Katy,
Thank you for taking the time to download and install Teams-R-EZ, the #3 youth sports team management app. We are honored that you wanted to become a user of our app.
Unfortunately, we are no longer seeking users that fit your profile, midlife moms with an iPhone SE (2020) who can’t toggle between their parent or player profile, their oldest or youngest child’s profile, their current or former team, or their parent/player/oldest/youngest child’s current or former team. In particular, we are not interested in users who cannot discern pertinent facts about tonight’s game from among the 52 Teams-R-EZ notifications sent in the last twelve minutes.
Currently, we are seeking users who know the difference between Team Chat and Team Email and don’t mind that their team manager uses Team Chat exclusively while their Head Coach only uses Team Email. We also prefer users who readily absorb the random ads that have monetized our app rather than curse them in public while clicking them closed before accessing the most recent notification, which contains another irrelevant yet hi-larious quip from Kayden C.’s dad.
That’s not to say we weren’t impressed by your determination to comb through the 37 chat messages from your fellow parents about who’s bringing Go Go Squeez on Tuesday. Might we suggest you bring Skinny Pop?
We will keep your personal data secure in our database forever in case it benefits us to sell your information or suggest you download another app we own.
Thank you again for your time and interest in using our app. We wish you nothing but the best as you try to get your oldest or youngest child to the right field at the right time using common sense and the schedule printed on paper that the coach handed out at the first parent meeting.
Sincerely,
Kayden Y.
Customer Service Trainee
Teams-R-EZ
