Humor | Satire

A Series of Emails From Your Kid’s Elementary School in 2024

Lockdown updates and more!

Liz Lydic
Frazzled
Published in
5 min readApr 9, 2024

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The image shows a colorful classroom corner decorated with educational materials. There’s a large brown paper tree on a blue wall, with a yellow cut-out turtle and paper leaves attached to it. A blackboard has the heading “Tricky Words” with letters and words displayed. The adjacent yellow wall has alphabet posters, a frog illustration, and a colorful butterfly. Below, there’s a bookshelf with a grey plush toy, a whiteboard easel with magnetic letters arranging the alphabet, and books.
Photo by Monica Sedra on Unsplash

Hi Parents and Family Members of Morningside Elementary School,

Thank you all so much for your endless support of our students as we approach Spring Break. We are humbled by the generous money raised from the St. Patrick’s Day Fun Run and the toiletry supplies you have brought in for our sister school project.

We are also so thrilled about today’s Spring Notes Musical Performance!

Many of you are in the auditorium right now waiting for the show to start.

Unfortunately, the police have asked that we evacuate the area immediately because they have received an anonymous tip about a weapon on campus.

If you could, please quickly and safely leave through the front doors where we have PTA members waiting with membership forms for any of you not currently involved. As a reminder, the PTA helps fund field trips and music lessons, which have been impacted greatly by reductions in the State’s budget.

Once again, please exit quickly so that police can bring in K9 dogs to search for both the weapon and a possible suspect who may be prepared to utilize it today.

Thank you so much!

Best,

Mrs. Doukas, MES Principal

Hi Parents and Family Members of Morningside Elementary School,

As you know, approximately one hour ago, the Morningside Police Department requested evacuation of the auditorium after receiving an anonymous tip about a weapon on campus. Our students are currently on lockdown inside their classrooms and are utilizing iPads and other in-class resources provided by our annual “Every Penny Counts” (EPC) fundraiser.

I’m thrilled to say that it’s not too late to contribute to this incredible cause! If you’re reading this, please know that your children are currently safe and that there is a link below where you can donate to the EPC fund!

Thank you so much!

Mrs. Doukas, MES Principal

Hi Parents and Family Members of Morningside Elementary School,

Many of you have asked for an update on your children as they continue to be in lockdown while mutual aid units have joined Morningside Police in the investigation for the weapon on campus, and now, it seems, a social media post by an individual regarding its intended use.

I want to encourage you all to sign up for our upcoming webinar, “Social Media, At What Age?” that is brought to you for just $10 per registrant by School Connects, a mental health resource group. One dollar of each registration helps fund our school psychology program, which is run by our awesome school nurse (shout out to Ms. Shauna!).

And a quick reminder that the Morningside Ed Foundation only needs 176 more families to donate $100 to reach our annual STEM and performing arts fundraising goals. All families who donate get a lawn sign, so don’t miss out!

At this time, I would like to kindly ask you all for your continued patience as we await further updates on the status of today’s lockdown.

Thank you so much!

Mrs. Doukas, MES Principal

Hi Parents and Family Members of Morningside Elementary School,

I thank you for your continued support of our school as we maintain a lockdown heading into the afternoon. The children ate lunch in their classrooms today and had a blast! Teachers separated non-nut-eaters by turning over desks to create makeshift walls.

While we’re discussing infrastructure, please see the information below outlining the upcoming election which includes the Morningside School District’s bond referendum. Your vote of YES will help approve the general obligation bond to help fund the renovation of existing classrooms and facilities!

This afternoon, teachers will serve as PE coaches as the children stay in class. Groups of 10 are being escorted by police officers to the one cleared restroom on campus. Big shout out to the Morningside Police Department and K9 bomb sniffer dog, Cheddar! We are working with Cheddar’s handler to see if they can do a demonstration for the children in between classroom sweeps by the bomb squad.

Thank you so much!

Mrs. Doukas, MES Principal

Hi Parents and Family Members of Morningside Elementary School,

As evening approaches, many of you are at the school entrance right now, demanding we release the students back to your care. We appreciate your patience as we navigate the situation and will continue to keep you informed of the status of the lockdown and any other general school news or requests for your support as the night proceeds.

I also wanted to take this opportunity to let you know that we are still seeking volunteers for Saturday’s field cleanup day (provided lockdown has concluded by then!). As many of you know, last week’s rain left the Jefferson field muddy and unusable. The Rivas family (shout out!) graciously rented a water removal pump and you can sign up with the Google link below for a one-hour shift to push the pump on the field.

In the event the lockdown continues overnight, the kids are making stuffed animals out of each other’s sweatshirts and assembling toothbrushes from pipe cleaners in the downtime between classroom searches.

Be on the lookout for an email from me shortly with a link for donations of lockdown dinner items, cots, and a big screen to show the movie “Hotel Transylvania.”

As a reminder to the parents who are attempting to climb the gate to get onto the grounds to access your children who continue to be in lockdown, MES has a No Trespassing policy, which can be found in the handbook provided at the beginning of the school year, along with a wish list of class items from your child’s teacher.

Once again, please stop trying to break into the school to retrieve your students.

Thank you so much!

Mrs. Doukas, MES Principal

UPDATE, 11:52 p.m.: At this time, I am thrilled to announce that we are receiving the all-clear from the Morningside Police Department to excuse any student whose parents donated more than $500 to the fall Walk-a-Thon fundraiser. If you, too, would like to see your child released before morning, I urge you to check out the district’s website and click on “Ways to Support.” We have an amazing Book Fair event coming up, and it is a great way to get your kiddos reading and to get them back into your care post-lockdown.

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Liz Lydic
Frazzled

Liz Lydic is a mom, writer, and local government employee in the Los Angeles area. She also does theatre stuff.