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Achievement Badges For New Parents

You don’t need a trophy for raising a family, but a badge would be nice

Kyrie Gray
Jun 29, 2019 · 3 min read

Being a new parent is tough. You work hard day and night and never seem to get the acknowledgement you deserve. That’s why it’s time to take a cue from the scouts and reward major (and minor) victories with a patch to stick to your sash.

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Though it seems like this badge may never be earned, eventually you will have a full night of sleep. As your child grows they will start to snooze through the night, as will you. Of course, they rise with the sun so enjoy that impossibly precise alarm clock jumping on your bed at 6 AM.

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Friends will look on with shock as you correctly decipher your child’s babble. With enough practice you’ll be able to speak your baby’s language while they learn to speak yours. Until then, just make sure you can understand when they are saying “I need to go to the bathroom,” unless you want to be cleaning the carpet.

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Those fancy cooks who have a sous chef helping them prep? They’ve got nothing on you. You prepare three different meals each night to make sure all of your brood eats. You’re also able to roll with the punches when someone suddenly announces they don’t eat orange food by quickly whipping up some buttered corn instead. For your prowess in the kitchen, you’ve earned this badge.

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Everything is fine! It’s fine! When stress is eating you alive and you haven’t slept and you are worried that you may be the worst parent there ever was, you still keep a brave face in public and only reveal your angst to close friends and family. Your children in particular have never seen you cry when they cut up your mail to make a special card for grandma. The mask stays on because of your willpower…and maybe wine.

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You watch your favorite shows, cook your favorite foods, and read your favorite books secretly hoping your child will love them as much as you do. You never force their affection, but just wait and watch, hoping they will pick up a spoon or a mini-lightsaber, and become a small version of you. Cheers to you, Mom or Dad! You’ve earned this badge for your restraint and patience.


Frazzled

We are parents and we are Frazzled. Parenting humor in bits and pieces.

Kyrie Gray

Written by

Writer, illustrator, and sometimes funny person.

Frazzled

Frazzled

We are parents and we are Frazzled. Parenting humor in bits and pieces.

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