Humor | Satire | Parenting
After Playing Magic The Gathering with You, a Child, I Have Concluded That My Life Is a Lie and I Probably Have Dementia
Hey Buddy. Yeah, I’d be happy to play your little Magic game. No instructions? That’s fine. Pretty sure I’ll be able to figure out a game for kids. Just deal the cards.
You want me to go first? Okay. Let’s see. Um. Here’s the thing. I don’t understand what anything on any of the cards means. I’ve read each one multiple times. Literally nothing is decipherable here.
What do you mean ‘use a land card?’ What’s a land card? I see random numbers with no explanation for what those numbers signify. Some pictures of dragons. Am I a dragon? Is the dragon helping me? Attacking me? What does anything do???
YOU CALM DOWN.
This one seems to be a welder with more than the usual number of eyes. Can I use him to…I guess weld something?
You already killed my welder. When? How?
Your card says nothing about casting a spell — there’s just a weird symbol and a +2. Add two to what? To my total score? To yours? What is the score?
How does one earn points in this game?
