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Birthday Wishes I Sent To My Twin Sons When They Turned 25
Hey Hallmark, you’re fired
My body is still a wreck. Drinks on me!
Wishing you a boatload of love and laughter. Oh, and one year left before you’re on your own for cell phone charges and health insurance.
Here’s to the men you’ve become, my beloved sons. May your birthday be a reflection of your strength and brilliance. Ten more years, tops, before you’re changing *my* diapers.
To celebrate, let’s book a spa day where I show you how to exfoliate and day drink.
What do you get for two boys who have everything? In 2025? A path to citizenship in the EU and a digital nomad visa. You’re welcome!
Where do the years go? Another milestone passes and I realize, with bittersweet nostalgia, that when I’m chronically 10 minutes late (to anything) anymore I should really stop blaming my children.
Remember when you came out of my womb kicking and screaming two months early? I do. Where’s my present!?
I love you both so much — way more than I miss my functioning frontal lobe and libido. Thank God, right?
I’m so proud to be your mother. Especially since you gave up Crocs and White Claw. Happy 25th!