Humor

ChatGPT Prompts for Exhausted Parents

AI is taking everyone else’s job, so why not force it to do ours?

Photo by Mojahid Mottakin on Unsplash

1. Give me step-by-step instructions to send my kids to bed without any meltdowns.
2. You are a one-year-old. Tell me where you might have left your milk-filled sippy cup.
3. Suggest five poop jokes that will make my eight-year-old laugh so she’ll forget that I promised to tell her where babies come from.
4. Produce a detailed plan for preventing my two-year-old from removing his own soiled diapers.
5. Suggest best practices for getting my picky eater to try tonight’s lasagna without throwing a fit.
6. Using a table, present information about why my husband should schedule a vasectomy ASAP.
7. Suggest three ways to motivate my kids to put their dirty clothes directly in the hamper instead of on the floor beside it.
8. Formulate three ways to convince my clingy kid he doesn’t need to follow me into the bathroom.
9. Give me ten alternative ways to say, “Because I said so,” when my six-year-old asks why he can’t wear the same Super Mario shirt to school ten days in a row.
10. Using persuasive marketing tactics, create a strategy for convincing my three-year-old to potty train himself.
11. Produce a script for talking to my seven-year-old about his unhealthy relationship with Roblox.
12. Research sleep training and explain why the hell babies aren’t born knowing how to sleep.
13. Propose ten creative ways to tell my five-year-old she really needs to start wiping her own butt.
14. Produce ten ideas to prevent my four-year-old from eating her own boogers.
15. Formulate a list of ten must-see TV shows that premiered in the past four years for an adult who has only seen Cocomelon and Ms. Rachel since becoming a parent.
16. Write an email to the principal asking her for reimbursement for the Taylor Swift concert I had to miss in order to fill out all the back-to-school forms.
17. Act like an arachnologist to explain to my bug-obsessed 9-year-old why she shouldn’t keep a free-range spider farm in her bedroom or anywhere else in the house.
18. Suggest three bedtime story ideas. Must include a farting unicorn. Do not use any monsters in the story, or I swear I will haunt you when I die from lack of sleep.
19. Give me five ideas for what I should do if I think my child is a psychopath and not just an opinionated three-year-old.
20. Make a pie chart with the pros and cons of running away from my family to live the rest of my life on a deserted island.
21. Explain to me in layman’s terms why, even with all the chaos of parenting, I’d still choose this life over and over again.

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