FAQs about Constructing a Couch Fort with, er, for Your Kids
Q: What is a couch fort?
A: This is a more complicated question than you might expect. A couch fort is a structure constructed of couch cushions, throw pillows, old blankets, and other soft items that may be constructed on a couch or, somewhat confusingly, on the floor. Sometimes it may be deemed a fort, and at other times, it may be a house, a castle, a restaurant, or a cave. On rare occasions, it may be all of those things.
Q: When will my children ask to make a couch fort?
A: Right before mealtime, the arrival of guests, or an imminent departure from the house are the most common times when your children will request couch forts. There is also a direct relationship between the quality of the weather outside and the likelihood of your children requesting construction of a couch fort.
Q: How big a couch fort will my children request?
A: Your children will request the biggest couch fort you have ever made on each and every single occasion when a couch fort is being requested. Make sure your first couch fort is as small as possible. Find subtle ways to make the couch fort feel slightly larger each time or you risk falling into the Couch Fort Paradox.
Q: Will my children help construct the couch fort?
A: Your children may attempt to help construct the couch fort, but that is likely to quadruple the construction time and make the couch fort structurally unsound. We do not recommend allowing their assistance except for decorative pieces and/or when longer construction times may be advantageous.
Q: Will I be able to go in the couch fort? It actually looks pretty awesome.
A: No. It is pretty awesome, but due to size considerations, refusal of entrance by the primary occupants, or both, you will never be allowed to experience your couch fort’s awesomeness.
Q: How long will my couch fort stay up?
A: Your children will insist that it stay up forever. In reality, it may stay up as long as a day, or it may have already fallen while you are reading this sentence.
Q: What should I do when my couch fort collapses?
A: Remain calm. The couch cushions are soft and should not hurt any children buried under them. Act quickly to remove the cushions from children inside, as the children next to the cushion rubble will be tempted to jump onto the cushion pile.
Q: Will I be expected to rebuild the couch fort after its collapse?
A: Do you really have to ask?
