How to Ruin Your Child’s Life in Five Steps
Your step-by-step guide to therapist bills, unhappy homes, and terrible parenting
There are many guides to child rearing. Some are based on instinct, some on research, some on what some “good book” says. But so far, there’s been nothing written about how to do the opposite.
Here are some ways to ruin your kid’s life. Prepare for therapist bills.
Step 1: Make your love conditional.
Do you want a well-adjusted child who knows they can rely on you? Of course not. Say things like “Mommy will only love you if you get an A.” This will make sure your kids aren’t too secure and are always doubting themselves.
Step 2: Deny them agency.
For a truly badly-adjusted child, they should have no power over their own lives and environments. Ignore your baby’s cries. Make your child be quiet at all times. Decide for them how their room should look, what clothes they should wear, who they can have as friends, where they should go to school, when they should go to bed. This will make sure that your kids never really become adults, capable of making their own decisions or defining their own lives.
