How To Run a Successful School Board Meeting
School board meetings are important. Not only can you get involved in your district’s management, but it also serves as a great way to increase your blood pressure and lose sleep.
But, these meetings should also be fun, and here is a guide for both board members and parents to make sure your school board meetings are as entertaining as possible.
Parents — in order to feel engaged in meetings, be sure to participate in the election process. Although they’re elected officials, school board members are also just regular community members. So be sure to let your baggage from personal relationships affect your vote. There is nothing more satisfying than refusing to vote for a person because you actually know how bad they are at driving, or because their kid didn’t invite your kid to their fifth birthday party.
Board members — Please continue holding meetings via zoom. Forever. What is better than watching an actual train wreck, in your pajamas, while drinking a beer and making fun of people via group text?
Parents — another great feature of zoom calls is school board meeting drinking games. There’s no need for anything overly complicated. Each meeting, just select one word, and whenever someone says it, take a drink. If you’re really in the mood to party, choose words such as “bullying,” “budget,” or “masks.”
Now, school board members — there is a right way and a wrong way to run meetings. It’s important to choose the right way, so that your board can get the smallest amount accomplished, and the community can feel as overlooked and unheard as possible.
First, be sure to find a space for your zoom call that has the worst lighting achievable. If your home or office has a dungeon, that would be great. As a school board member, you want your face to look daunting and pissed off.
Second, it is absolutely imperative that you be as awkward as conceivable during public comments. The rules state that board members can’t reply during the public comment section, which really helps here. It totally makes sense to give parents time to comment, but not acknowledge or address those comments. Just move on to the next bullet point. If you’re really feeling generous, you can adopt a concerned or sympathetic expression, and a single nod of your head can go a long way.
Parents — during public comments it’s really important that you cry. It makes you appear super smart and professional. If you get so choked up that you can barely be understood, even better.
Both sides should try to argue as much as is feasible. Arguments are the best. Why do you think everyone showed up if not for the vicious and childish squabbles?
Follow these simple guidelines and you too can enjoy yourself while wasting precious hours of your life every month on school board meeting zoom calls.
