Parenting | Humor | Satire
I’d Like to Discuss My Child Specifically While You’re Trying to Address a Group of People
Your concern for the rest of the group is admirable but hardly necessary
Excuse me, if I can just interject quickly — I know you’re trying to give a general presentation to all of us parents right now, but I wanted to make sure that you elaborate on how every hypothetical situation will specifically affect my son, Tayden. Yes, I know you said no questions until the end, but I really feel you don’t know enough yet about Tayden as an individual. You have to understand that he’s a real, sentient, flesh-and-blood child, unlike the rest of his peers who are merely fluid concepts of children.
Tayden has so many things that make him unique, things I seriously doubt these other kids possess. He has memories, life experiences, preferences, and interests. I need to be convinced that you and your teaching methods are attuned to the challenge of nurturing such a complex individual.
These other fuzzy background parent-blobs won’t necessarily have much to gain from our little tête-à-tête, but I wonder if, in a way, hearing how real people live and talk will inspire them to have real children of their own one day. Sure, their kids will never…
