Parenting | Humor | Satire
If We Gave Unsolicited Advice to Power-Hungry Villains the Way We Do to Parents
If you’re tired of burning and pillaging, they’re tired of burning and pillaging too
Congratulations on this exciting milestone! Becoming a ruthless tyrant bent on usurping the throne is a magical event, and you should be cherishing every evilly plotted moment. Remember, you can only take over the kingdom once. After you conquer every village and city and finally stake your skull-covered flag of bloody triumph on the castle’s highest turret, you’ll never experience that particular thrill ever again.
Yes, of course, it is hard managing a team of thugs to make this happen, but keep in mind that dastardly despots have been doing it since the beginning of time. If they can keep track of their henchmen, so can you. All it takes is some creativity. (Have you considered making kingdom domination a game?)
Never underestimate the importance of clear communication. When you involve your underlings in your sinister coups from the get-go, rather than springing your plans on them at the last minute, they’ll be able to emotionally regulate themselves to stay better focused on defeating the good guys. Ne’er-do-wells need structure and predictability…
