Parenting Humor
If You Give a Toddler a Book About a Cookie
He’s going to want 400 unrelated things to go with it
If you give a toddler a book about a cookie, he will ask for a cookie before you have finished reading the first page.
Then he will ask for a cookie after the second page.
Then he will begin screaming COOKIE COOKIE COOKIE COOKIE so loudly that you cannot finish reading the book, and one of your eardrums will split open, and halfway around the world, the glass in the Sydney Opera House will shatter.
Once you have promised that he can have a cookie at dinnertime, he will ask for milk.
The milk will remind him that he wants to read his farm book, so you will get that out, and he will press all the farm animal noise buttons at once, and the baby will wake up (after somehow sleeping through the cookie screams).
Seeing you holding, kissing, and changing the baby will remind him that he is the main character of the universe and that any attention bestowed on another child is the equivalent of a war crime.
Once you have calmed him down, he will ask to go outside and play. You’ll have to find his shoes and socks.
